Thursday, July 31, 2008

Indulge Me

I'm feeling incredibly self-indulgent today, which usually happens when a) I'm out of sorts, b) I'm celebrating something only I would celebrate, c) I'm a little sad, d) I'm having a full-blown pity party, or e) any of the above, plus it's close to that time of the month (sorry, gents).

Today I'm c and e, and the gist is that whatever whim I have, feeling I'm experiencing or wish I want granted, I let it happen and let it happen to the nth degree.

For lunch, I brought something very healthy and nutritious. Instead of eating at my desk and skipping my break altogether, I took an extra-long one, read my book and ate a cookie and a bag of bbq potato chips. For dinner, I'll probably order out, instead of saving my pennies and cooking at home.

For entertainment, I'll finish the last chapter of my book as soon as I get home (it's a really good book that I really want to finish), then watch really bad TV and channel-flip while wearing my pajamas in my living room and twirling the dogs' ears. I put a load of clothes in the washer this morning, set on a timer to finish just before I get home from work
(wasn't feeling quite so indulgent yet), and I'll have to put them in the dryer simply due to the mold factor, but I won't fold them when the dryer buzzes. I won't empty the dishwasher either.

I'll stay up a little too late either starting a new book or watching more bad TV from bed and adjust the alarm so it goes off an hour later tomorrow morning and I skip the exercise.

As for the diabetes, I'll check if I'm feeling low, but given what I'll probably consume for dinner, that won't be a problem. I'll be high, and for today, just for today, it will have to be okay. I'll take my insulin shot and all my other pills, because even in my most self-indulgent moods, I'm always a little bit responsible. (I want to indulge, not cause a hospital visit.)

I wish (and this is one I don't seem to be able to grant) that being indulgent meant spending an extra hour on the treadmill, or eating an extra helping of broccoli, or donating my time to a charitable organization, or some other good-for-me-good-for-you type of things, but alas, no such ambition arises from within. To indulge is to be a little bad, since the rest of my days are spent trying to be mostly good.

I've no doubt my funk will begin dwindling when I wake up tomorrow and that by tomorrow afternoon (after a purchased muffin or cinnamon roll for breakfast), I'll be in better spirits and I'll be back in the swing of things where I'm supposed to dwell, and generally don't mind dwelling. But for today, indulge me. Or, actually, I'll indulge me.

As always, more to come...

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