Bony Ass

I now know why I have diabetes: I don’t have enough butt fat.

Here’s the headline I saw on the Yahoo! home page today:

Big bottom may help protect against diabetes, researchers say

Evidently, they’re doing experiments on mice and injecting fat and have come up with the conclusion it’s possible that people who are pear-shaped have less of a chance of being diabetic.

Of course, the study doesn’t differentiate between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes—a tidbit news sources often leave out, assuming the identity to be irrelevant, and they’re wrong—so I’m not sure it directly relates to me. But since this reason makes as much sense as the rest, I’m going to run with it for now.

I have diabetes because I have a bony ass. I’m not being modest, either. I’ve been told after sitting on people’s knees that my rear has injured them. And I know from first-hand experience that when I sit on hard surfaces, I can feel my derriere bones connecting without benefit of fat cushion.

So from now on (or at least until another fabulously outrageous explanation emerges), when people ask about my diagnosis and the dreaded disease, I’m going to say, “Yes, I have diabetes. Type 1. I have a bony ass, you see.”

As always, more to come…