Monday, November 3, 2008


Evidently, I’m going to hell, on insulin, with flabby muscles, completely alone.

At least, according to late-night television commercials.

I got sucked into a movie on a woman’s channel at around midnight on Saturday night. I’m assuming since I was the one watching, I was probably their target audience, and the commercials were skewed to me.

They had multiple commercials for diabetes meters, and one intriguing one geared toward Type 2 diabetics telling them it was okay to go on insulin if their current meds weren’t helping. It was a rather lengthy commerical for the time period—a good two minutes—and showed two people who said their lives were better for having gone on insulin. I wasn’t quick enough, or I was too tired or what have you (it was late, it was only an entertaining movie and not one that had my brain cells in overdrive), but I didn’t catch the tiny print to see if it was sponsored by an insulin company, or just a “health group.”

They had several Bowflex commercials that promised me a leaner, meaner body in only 20 minutes a day, five days a week. The people in those commercials are ripped—every muscle in their body defined and bulged out like a Ken doll on steroids.

Sandwiched between insulin and muscles were commercials from the Latter Day Saints offering me a free Bible and commercials for “I’ve fallen and can’t get up” personal alarm systems.

Based on this, I can only assume my initial statement above is true. I’m obviously already on insulin. I’m not ordering the free Bible. I don’t have a personal alarm system where a distinguished-looking gentlemen with white hair will ask, “Lora, your alarm went off. What can I do for you?” if something bad happens. And, although I do actually own a Bowflex, there’s not a remote chance that even if I did fourty minutes seven times a week that I would ever look like that girl in the bikini.

So, with my fate already decided, I guess I just have to sit back, relax, and watch more television. Or, try another time period on another channel and see what they have to tell me. Fortune by commercials.

As always, more to come (eventually from hell???)…

1 comment:

k2 said...

Screw the infomercial fortune telling! Your fabulous girlfriend!