The Diabetes & Stuff

Apathetic

2011-01-13T16:01:00.000-06:00

Again

2010-11-16T13:00:00.002-06:00

I'm losing my hair. While I wish that was figuratively speaking, because the metaphors I could roll around in the hay with are so seductive, I mean that literally.

I did what every red-blooded girl with a centimeter of vanity would do and I Google'd my loss, expecting to find article after article backing my suspicion that I grow old, I grow old, I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled and perimenopause is to blame. But the universe likes to test my limits and just generally fuck with my mind and the first link I clicked on stuck a dart in diabetes, saying this annoying little condition of mine can affect hormones and cause my tresses distress.

Based on other symptoms, I'm still inclined to believe I'm headed into perimenopause territory. But why did Google have to go and do that? Why can't I, just once, have some sort of mental, physical or emotional condition that can't be tied to diabetes? It's not even a pretty word, diabetes. It has no elegance or grace. But evidently, it has a list of side effects that is never-ending.

Moving

2010-11-12T15:04:00.003-06:00

My instinct is to write "Moving On" or "Moving Forward," but in truth, I don't know if I'm doing either. I'm just moving.

Life can be complicated, and time can suck the life out of you, making you feel as if you have no permissions or rights granted; you only exist to mark its existence. Time waits for no man. Time will tell. Time after time.

Is there such a thing as a seven-year itch with diabetes? Seven and a half? Time goes by, and I go on, listening to the seconds tick and the minutes tock and the hours slam like a brick wall against every moment I try to claim as my own. Diabetes takes time. Time takes me.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I don't know where I want to wind up. I'm simply following a road and marking the miles. And I have miles to go before I sleep. (And miles to go...)

I thought about starting a new blog. A new chapter in the same life. But this isn't a new me. This is simply another part of me. So I'm continuing with this blog. I'm just writing it for myself now. A journal away from my journal. To keep that diabetes thing separated somehow. To give it a special place to take over as much of me as it wants, when it wants, without having to weave the test strips and the numbers and the apathy and the schedules and the bruises and the guilt and the gratitude and all of it through, around, in and out of my other bits and pieces. I write in a big black book with a fountain pen late at night about me. I type on a Mac with Georgia font in other hours about me and my diabetes.

Insert One Year Here

2010-11-12T15:03:00.002-06:00

Diabetes Shots

2009-12-17T07:00:00.002-06:00

I'M IN LOVE
Yes, with a gadget. I've been sort of anti-cell phone the last few years, having one only for emergencies. Then I started thinking maybe I'd like one that actually works. And I started having iPhone envy, gawking at strangers, demanding co-workers run me through a demo. And I bought one. And I can't put it down. My favorite health-related app? Rx Helper. It keeps track of all my prescriptions, the dosages, when the next refill is up, the pharmacy id numbers and all sorts of good info. It even keeps track of my dog Molly's medication and her syringe supply. It's pretty cool. I haven't found any diabetes-related apps that I really like yet, so if you've got one you think is the bee's knees, let me know.

Ho Ho Oh No

2009-12-14T18:55:00.003-06:00

Yeah. That's me. The person who hasn't even started her Christmas shopping yet. Hasn't given more than 30 seconds thought to what I might get who or what. I did buy my tree, put it in the stand and water it. No ornaments or lights yet.

I just can't seem to get there, to get into my holly jolly mood. Mostly, it all just seems a little exhausting.

I'm not bah-humbuging. Really, I'm not. I like Christmas. I like wrapping presents. I like my tree. I'm just waiting for the spirit of the season to give me a shot in the arm (Wait, that's cupid, right? Wrong holiday! Could explain why I feel off....). I'm sure it will come. I just keep waiting.

And eating the Christmas cookies that keep showing up at work.

As always, more to come...

My New Best Friend

2009-12-11T07:05:00.000-06:00

He's adorable, isn't he? And he helps a great cause, too! I was walking by Bloomingdale's (okay, taking a shortcut through a mall to avoid the bitter cold) and saw him in the window. Turns out he's pretty special—Bloomingdale's donates $5 for every one sold to JDRF. The bear is only $18 (highly reasonable for Bloomies), so I bought two. I know I'm giving one to a toy drive being sponsored by my husband's company. I thought maybe I'd give the other one to my cousin, who just had a baby. Or maybe my niece, who might still appreciate a stuffed animal at age 16. But. You know. He's really soft. And cuddly. And maybe 41 isn't too old to appreciate a good teddy bear either...

As always, more to come...

Diabetes Shots

2009-12-10T08:02:00.001-06:00

LIFE IS AN ADVENTURE
Lora, with diabetes, on a camel, in Egypt (real pyramids, not a backdrop). I’m on my honeymoon (that’s the husband with me) and Cairo was a side trip from Athens. Diabetes may not take a vacation, but I do, and I go where I want, even the desert.

Diabetes Shots

2009-12-03T08:02:00.001-06:00

SHOOTER
This lovely lime-green box should be filled to the brim with syringes, but alas, I’m in need of a diabetic supply order. There are only two bags left, 20 syringes. While I do have the Lantus SoloStar pens, my preference is to use the Lantus vials and a good old-fashioned syringe. Don’t know why, just do. Also, syringes are good to have on hand in case a pen malfunctions. I can still stick a syringe in the pen and get out the goods.

K2, This One's For You

2009-12-01T22:26:00.005-06:00

Vacation

2009-11-30T18:59:00.002-06:00

I was on vacation all last week. I would like to say I went someplace exotic and saw wonderful things, but mostly I saw my couch. I rented and watched over nine movies (I love Redbox), got the oil in my car changed, bought a new battery for my computer, did a little sewing, a little baking, a lot of laundry and basically tried to catch up on life.

Oh, and I ate. A lot.

When I'm at work and on a regular schedule, I eat regular meals. When I'm at home, I graze. Constantly. I gained four pounds in nine days.

I kinda sorta took a vacation from diabetes as well. I tested very infrequently and randomly gave myself shots. Eight units of NovoLog every now and then during the day was the program I decided to go with. When I did test, I seemed pretty okay, but who knows about the other times?

It wasn't a good thing for me to do. I don't plan on continuing to do it. But I do have to say that not sticking myself constantly was a nice break. For my real estate, too, which actually has unbruised itself.

I'm back at work now, and things are still as crazy as ever. But I'm hoping I can convince myself to get back on the wagon and test more often and shoot insulin appropriately. It may take a couple days to get back in the swing of things, though. When I went to grab a sandwhich for lunch, I forgot my insulin pen...

As always, more to come...

Diabetes Shots

2009-11-26T08:02:00.002-06:00

LAST CALL
Another fun container, with more fun diabetes stuff. This one is for my alcohol swabs. I buy the cheapest swabs I can find and store them in here. They come connected in twos and whenever I get a new box, I immediately separate them into single packs; it’s become a ritual of sorts. I know a lot of diabetes folks don’t really use swabs anymore, but I use one before every test and every shot. I find if I skip the swipe, I wind up with tiny red dots of angry.

Diabetes Shots

2009-11-19T08:02:00.001-06:00

I HAVE THE 64 BOX
Stress can have an impact on my numbers, so I try to have stress-free moments of fun and relaxation. I loved coloring as a kid and I still do. I found this cool coloring book at the dollar store and snapped it up. It’s hard to find coloring books that are just for coloring; they all seem to be “activity” books” these days and I prefer my word searches to be under separate cover. And yes, I have the BIG box of crayons, including Periwinkle.

Well, Okay Then

2009-11-13T07:25:00.000-06:00

Apparently, my body likes stress.

Because while I’ve had a lot of stress lately, my numbers have been good. Really good. Like bordering on awesome. There have been days when I’ve wondered if my meter was broken because every time I’ve tested, the number has come up at 110.

I’ve been eating badly because when I’m stressed, I want comfort food (Pop Tarts, mashed potatoes, hamburgers, beer cheese dip). I’ve forgotten to bolus until the end of my meal. I’ve haphazardly calculated numbers I know probably aren’t right, but I don’t have the energy or time to multiply in my head.

I’ve stopped my exercise routine because sleeping that extra 20 minutes in the morning, or going in to work 20 minutes early has been the only way to survive.

And still. Numbers good.

All I can think is that while I know stress can affect my numbers on occasion, this isn’t one of those occasions. This kind of stress—mostly work-related with a few odds and ends thrown in for good measure—seems to work with my body.

While this is a good thing on the surface, I find it a little scary and a little sad that I so regularly have this much stress going on, my body just absorbs it. My body operates better when stressed. (My mind, however, is another matter…)

Anyway. In an ironic twist, I decided this weekend (prompted by a get-together coming up in December for which I do not want to be 10 pounds heavier from beer cheese dip) that I needed to get back on the straight and narrow. That it was just as easy to consume a V8 and a Nutrigrain bar in the morning as it was to inhale a Diet Dr. Pepper and a Pop Tart.

I’m eating better as of Monday and even started exercising again as of yesterday. And wouldn’t you know it? My meter is NOT broken. I hit a 135 today. A little on the high side for me given the circumstances. Must be my stress levels starting to taper off. Less stress, higher numbers.

As always, more to come…

Diabetes Shots

2009-11-12T08:02:00.002-06:00

BOTTLED UP
I think somewhere, deep down inside my fractured thoughts, I have this hidden notion that the reason my test strips are so expensive is the money they sink into creating near indestructible bottles to encase them. Also, I think the little snap-cap containers are fun, and I’m convinced I will find an ultimate use for them some day. I have washed them out and brought salad dressing to work in them. My brother uses them for expensive drill bits. My husband puts his shaving ouch-stick in one when we travel. So I can’t throw them out, and I throw them in this drawer (along with what looks like electrical supplies, a jingle bell from Christmas and some marine glue…)

Perspective

2009-11-09T07:07:00.003-06:00

I got an e-mail from an old friend this morning. She's one of the nicest people I know, with a great husband and a beautiful daughter.

She wrote to say she's expecting an addition to their family and she's 4-1/2 months along. I'm so happy for her. She's an excellent mom.

She also wrote to say she's been diagnosed with breast cancer.

While it's November, the month for all things diabetes, and I'm still planning on wearing my blue with pride, I've had some perspective shift. I no longer think the huge bruise on my thigh is quite so dramatic, or the fact that my sugars were running low yesterday is cause for freaking out.

It's November, but there are a lot of women who are stuck with October, and its significant pink ribbon, year-round.

My good thoughts, vibrations and karma all go into the universe for Danielle.

As always, more to come...

Diabetes Shots

2009-11-05T08:02:00.003-06:00

FOOD MARKET
Diabetics are good to have as officemates—they always have a stash of food around. In addition to my requisite Juicy Juice boxes, I also keep NutriGrain bars, granola bars and random pre-packaged snacks in a basket next to my desk. Working late? Need a snack? Ask Lora!

Meme About Me, Me

2009-11-03T08:37:00.000-06:00

This meme has been floating around for a couple of weeks, but since I’ve been out of the loop, I haven’t seen it. So I’m reviving it for today. Stuff about me you probably don’t need to know, but I’m telling you anyway…

1. Do you like bleu cheese? When it’s combined with other things, yes. I love a good bacon and blue cheese hamburger, and blue cheese in a salad is lovely. Oh, and blue cheese olives in my martini are a must.

2. Have you ever smoked? Not on a regular basis. I’ve done the “I’m drunk, can I bum a cigarette” thing in my younger days, and I’ve smoked clove cigarettes because I was a liberal arts major, but nothing for years.

3. Do you own a gun? A jumbo super-soaker squirt gun to keep the dogs in check when they bark at the neighbors’ dog through the fence.

4. Favorite type of food? I like all kinds. I’m big into seafood, Italian, French, pizza…just about anything as long as I think it tastes good.

5. Favorite type of music? Something I can sing or hum along to.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Awesome at the ball park, pretty good on the grill at home.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Love Actually, the original Miracle on 34th Street with a tiny Natalie Wood, and Meet Me In St. Louis with Judy Garland.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Juice or hot chocolate.

9. Can you do push ups? I can probably pump out a few…

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? I love my engagement ring because it came with love. I love my watch because I bought it for myself, also out of love.

11. Favorite hobby? Watching TV, sewing, reading, baking, driving aimlessly, little crafty projects I dream up.

12. Do you have A. D. D.? Nope. I’m pretty focused.

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? I wear glasses. I started as a freshman in high school, only having to wear them to see things far, far away. Now I have to wear them 24/7. I always pick cool frames, though. I figure if I’m going to wear glasses, I’m going to WEAR them. (Tried contacts, hate them.)

14. Middle name? Michelle.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: I hope my boss comes in a little late today, is this too long for people to read?, it’s going to be a long day.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: Water, Ocean Spray Sugar-Free Cran drinks, juice.

17. Current worry? How much trouble the dogs are getting into because they’re home alone more often since I’m working crazy hours.

18. Current dislike right now? Too much work, not enough time for me.

19. Favorite place to be? With people who make me laugh.

20. How did you bring in the new year? At home, with my husband, and some really good food.

21. Someplace you’d like to go? Everywhere! A beach right now sounds good, as does Moscow, Croatia, Argentina and Washington D.C.

22. Name three people who will complete this. Most of you already have!

23. Do you own slippers? Yes, several pair. If my feet get cold, it takes forever to warm them up. I try not to let them get to that stage.

24. What color shirt are you wearing? Red, with a grey sweater over it.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No! They make me sweat, as do satin pajamas. I like cotton.

26. Can you whistle? Barely, and it took me a long time to learn how to do even that!

27. Where are you now? Somewhere I’m not supposed to be working on personal items...

28. Would you be a pirate? Not a bad, evil one. Is there such thing as a do-good pirate? Then I wouldn’t mind travelling the high seas and going to foreign lands looking for and burying assorted treasures.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower. I’m pretty much an in-and-out girl. When I bake, though, I like Carly Simon.

30. Favorite Girl’s Name? Molly—my dog’s name.

31. Favorite boy’s name? Charlie—my other dog’s name. (I don’t have kids and don’t plan on having them, so we really only think about potential pet’s names. There’s a newscaster named Dane Placko and we think that’s pretty cool…)

32. What is in your pocket right now? Clothes pockets, zip. Jacket pocket—gloves (we’ve just about hit that season in Chicago).

33. Last thing that made you laugh? My husbands red-light camera ticket. He got a speeding ticket yesterday morning, then I came home and found a notice in the mail he got caught via camera blowing a red light. I laughed at him whole-heartedly.

34. What vehicle do you drive? Saturn SUV. It’s like an overgrown station wagon. It’s old and completely paid for and I’m going to drive it into the ground.

35. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I broke my arm when I was really little, but I don’t remember much about it. I did have a nasty toe infection one summer (pre dx, but possibly foreshadowing of?)

36. Do you love where you live? I love Chicago; I think it’s one of the best cities in the world. My personal abode could use a little work…

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? Two hooked up, two sitting on a shelf.

38. How many computers do you have in your house? Just my laptop.

39. If you changed your job, what would it be? In a dream world: pastry or dessert chef. In the real world, down the road: grade-school librarian.

40. If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? A cure for diabetes and all other diseases, tax-free money to become debt-free and a personal assistant to take care of all the day-to-day annoyances.

As always, more to come...

Overheard

2009-11-02T14:44:00.001-06:00

Do not do this to me. This is not appropriate.

What's wrong with that? That's perfectly round.

Come on, man. How much blood do you want?

Pffft. I'm practially hemorrhaging here.

$%&!

Seriously? Seriously?

*Conversations with my test strips when they don't work...

As always, more to come...

Lora In Life

2009-11-01T16:08:00.004-06:00

It's Sunday and there are about 2.6 million things I should be doing other than writing, but this is where my mind has taken me, and I followed.

Life has been on the crazy side as of late, and it's hard for me to catch my breath. I'm working a lot of hours, the house has needed some court-mandated work (don't ask; it's Chicago), and my dogs seem to have swallowed a batch of obnoxious pills. (I love them and love having them for company, but I'm seriously considering a small bird for my next pet. (Hah! My own version of Tweeting!))

I had a birthday in there somewhere about a week and a half ago, which was nice. Lovely, lovely dinner at a fabulous restaurant, some new shoes, pretty flowers.

And with all the rushing and moving and shaking, you'd think I'd be completely out of whack in terms of sugars and numbers. And yet, I haven't. Granted, I'm not testing as often as I should be, but there were a few days in there I actually thought my meter was broken--it continually said 110 no matter what I ate or how much insulin I did or did not give myself. It wasn't until I got cocky and ate a caramel apple and a Pop Tart without bolusing and hit a high that I got that not-so-subtle reminder to shoot, baby, shoot.

(Sidebar on Pop Tart: I haven't eaten them in years, but have been craving them as of late. I've discovered the 7-11 across from my parking space for work makes awesome hot chocolate that doesn't trick my sugars, and oh yeah, they have Pop Tarts sitting right next to the hot chocolate. I caved. Good news, though, as long as I remember to actually give myself insulin, I can totally eat them. Also, if I don't mind absolutely no nutrition value whatsoever and massive calories...)

(Sidebar on Caramel Apple: Love, love, love them. Only eat them once a year when they're in season. My office building gave them out to all the offices. I had three (over a period of multiple days). Fall is officially fall because of this indulgence, and it wouldn't have been officially fall otherwise, regardless of how many pretty leaves are now clogging my new gutters.

My biggest diabetes news is that I've finally broken the virgin seal of clothing. (I could make that sound less... and more..., but it's more fun this way.) For those of you who've been doing this for a while, it's no biggie, and Kelly K2 told me it was just a matter of time before I'd be doing it, but the first time I did it, I felt like quite the daredevil.

Yes, I've been shooting insulin through my clothes.

It's heading into cold-weather territory in Chicago, which means layers. Which means I'm not pulling down my tights every time I want to shoot in my thigh. I still have tiny fears that microscopic clothing fibers will wind up in the pin-prick wound, but I'm slowly dissolving those, since it hasn't happened yet.

I could write more, since I seem to be in a babble mood as opposed to a change-the-sheets kind of mood, but I think I'll end here and try to whittle that 2.6 million to 2.5 million. But I'll end it with five things making me happy right this minute, thereby making all the other flotsam a little less daunting...

1. The Bears won today (closet football fan).
2. I carved out time to carve pumpkins and the two jack o' lanterns flickering in my living room are very cool, even if I do say so myself.
3. Molly (one of above mentioned dogs) is asleep across my feet, keeping them warm. She's dreaming, and I believe she's almost caught that squirrel...
4. It's only 4:30. You wouldn't think that extra hour from Daylight Savings Time would have that big of an impact, but it does. 60 extra minutes is 60 extra minutes.
5. My husband fell asleep on the couch, so now I get to take over the remote control.

As always, more to come (sporadically, perhaps, but coming)...

Diabetes Shots

2009-10-29T08:02:00.004-05:00

NO CUPCAKE NEEDED
Icing can be great for treating a low if juice isn’t an option. I keep a couple tubes stashed here and there, just in case. These two cuties are on my desk at work, just at the base of my computer and within hand’s reach. The red one is slightly deflated, as I sucked a few ounces out during a nasty low one day. My tongue was scarlet for the whole afternoon.

Diabetes Shots

2009-10-22T08:02:00.003-05:00

DRINK UP
I’m not a fan of Crystal Light or some of the other traditional sugar-free, non-carbonated beverages. However, Ocean Spray has come up with a line of cranberry juice mixed with other fruit flavors and put them in these convenient little packets that mix right into your water bottle. I have all four flavors in my drawer at work, and drink about one a day. They offer the thought of sweet, without having any sugar impact—they have zero carbs.

Aaaargghhhhhh

2009-10-20T06:52:00.002-05:00

Having mind-numbing, time-sucking, stress-filled, fully annoying issues, situations and dilemman IRL. Back soon with actual, real-live posts and ability to read everyone else's.

Until then, good diabetes for those who have, great life for absolutely everybody.

As always, more to come...

Diabetes Shots

2009-10-15T08:02:00.004-05:00

RIF
There was a campaign when I was little to get kids to read more. It was called Reading Is Fundamental, or RIF. I believe, if I’m not mixing up my Conjunction Functions, RIF was also a big red dog. This doesn’t really have anything to do with anything, since I’ve always been a big reader, even before the dog. I have a Chicago Public Library card, and I check out multiple books every couple of weeks. Reading doesn’t raise your blood sugar, which I like.

Diabetes Shots

2009-10-08T08:02:00.005-05:00

A GIRL LIKES TO HAVE OPTIONS
I use a Novolog pen and need pen needles. It took some trial and error, but I finally figured out I need two sizes of needles to cover all my shooting real estate. I use the purple-tab ones (31G x 3/16”) for my thighs; it’s a shorter needle and my thighs don’t have much fat on them. I remember purple, because purple is the color of bruises, and I often wind up with bruises on my thighs. I use the blue-tab ones (31G x 5/16”) for my stomach and saddle-bag areas, which have plenty of extra fat on them. I also have some pink-tab ones (29G x 1/2”), but they’re way too long and I only use them as back-up when I’ve forgotten to order. Which means they should be in play in about three days…

Test Results

2009-10-05T13:00:00.000-05:00

Finally! Had the endo appointment last Wednesday and my test results finally came in today.

I really like my new endocrinologist. She didn’t think any of my questions were stupid and didn’t even pause or look at me funny when I asked them. She just gave me the answers.

And every time I see her, I learn something new. For instance, she was able to look at my records, figure out an average number of units a day, then twist them into a specific calculation to come up with the formula that one unit of Novolog will most likely drop me 50 numbers on the meter. It’s not a “works-every-time” type of thing, I’m sure, but at least there’s something concrete there to work with. (And for those of you who might be saying, ‘duh,’ I have never, in three endocrinologists, heard any of this information before.)

She also tested my Vitamin D level. I told her I fractured my toe this summer and she questioned me a little more on that. I also told her my mom was being treated for osteoporosis. She said diabetics are more prone to fracture, and with the osteo thing, she wanted to make sure my Vitamin D levels were where they should be. Turns out they’re not, and I need to take a supplement. (Side note: This makes me feel a little old. I’m sure if I were 23 or even 30, this subject might not have come up. But I’m turning 41 this month, and I’m finding that some of my medical situations have to do just as much with age as with diabetes. Ack.)

TSH levels (thyroid-related) are too high, which means I’m taking too much medication, so she’s dropping my prescription down a notch. I’m a little worried about this, as this could mean a drop in energy level and an increase in weight. (Double Ack.) But I’ll go with it for about a month and if I don’t like it, I’ll let her know and maybe we can hit a compromise. As long as my heart doesn’t feel like it’s going to burst (most important and biggest side effect from too much meds—potential heart attack), I think there’s room to maneuver a happy outcome for everyone.

My A1C is up, but only a tiny bit, for which I am very grateful. I’m at 5.5%, which is definitely reason to celebrate. It means I’m getting the hang of the Novolog, despite the times I thought/think I’m really f’ing things up.

Oh, and for everyone who wants to shout “honeymoon” period at me, you may now feel free to do so without my wrath emerging. The endo told me that when you’re diagnosed with diabetes as a child, your honeymoon period usually lasts a year, maybe two. When you’re diagnosed as an adult, as I was, it’s possible to have a honeymoon period that lasts up to ten years, although not typically. So, six years and some odd months in, it is technically and medically possible for me to still be honeymooning a bit. Yes, I do try really hard to do all the right things with diabetes, and I bust my butt with calculations and carb counting and dreaded aerobic activity, and I think that my good A1C is the result of that. But if some part is due to a little side trip to honeymoonland, I’ll certainly take it—for as long as my body gives it to me.

As always, more to come…

A Couple Minutes Behind

2009-10-01T14:17:00.002-05:00

I sat here this morning, thinking I needed a vacation. I left my kit in my work bag and didn't do anything about it. I ate a molasses cookie and didn't do anything about it.

Then I jumped on Twitter and realized I wasn't the only one who needed a vacation.

For work today, I'm writing about Hilary Duff. I wrote my to-do list in a red notebook with purple pages. I wrote my husband an e-mail. I wrote down what kind of hula hoop I wanted to buy (purple and green, with a surprise glitter color thrown in).

And now, I'm going to write about the fake lake I walk next to each day. It's a large pond, but in an architectural manner, because it surrounds the base of a downtown building. It's a very calm pool of water, with a basin in the center for bushes. It's not very deep, but it's long enough to do a lap in. And each time I walk by it, twice a day, five days a week, I think this might be the day I'm going to step over the ledge and walk through it. Sit in the middle of the bushes. Splash around for a while. Because I could. I'm pretty sure it would take the security guards at least five minutes to figure out I'm in there. I could cause a ruckus, get carted away by the po-lice. Watch for me on the local news.

I said I needed a vacation. I believe this post proves it.

As always, more to come...

Diabetes Shots

2009-10-01T08:02:00.002-05:00

IT KEEPS ON GIVING
Long after the meal has been digested, long after the sharp has been disposed of, long after the insulin has been used up, diabetes is very generous and keeps on giving. This lovely bruise is just beginning its yellow phase, shifting from purple. So it goes. And it makes people wonder what you’ve been doing that you have a quarter-sized bruise in the middle of your thigh. I say keep them guessing whenever you can…

Diabetes Shots

2009-09-28T08:02:00.002-05:00

SILVERWARE & SMARTIES
I have quick sugar-up items stashed in various places around my house. At work, at the beginning of each month, my work building passes out candy to each office. A couple months ago, they gave us Smarties, which are basically pure sugar compressed into tiny circles of fun. I kept grabbing handfuls of them from the receptionist’s desk, and began stashing them throughout my office, then my work bag, and eventually at home. These wound up in the silverware drawer in the kitchen. Forks, can-openers and Smarties. The house of a diabetic.

Diabetes Shots

2009-09-24T08:02:00.002-05:00

PLUGGED IN
My computer. A diabetes essential. I’m a MAC girl all the way and my laptop was a gift to myself shortly after diagnosis. I mostly use it for the internet (to post my blog, Facebook, stalk celebrities on Twitter, e-mail friends), but I also keep a file for my medical records, checklists for grocery shopping and packing and random notes, projects, pictures and thoughts. On my screen? A really pretty flower garden in London. I like the pink pom-pom blooms. They make me happy.

Operator Error

2009-09-22T08:02:00.000-05:00

I’ve been keeping a log of what I eat, how much insulin I’m giving myself, what my numbers are and when, in preparation for my endo appointment next week.

And because I’m that kind of person, I’ve color-coded the numbers that are too low and the ones that are, for me, too high, so they jump out immediately at me.

And you know what I’ve noticed? Yes, there are a couple of wacky instances where the numbers did what they wanted despite my best efforts, but more often than not, I’m the one who caused the numbers, especially the high ones.

I can see the trends, and I go high when two things happen:
1. I underestimate the carb count of something.
2. I don’t give myself any insulin for what I’ve eaten.

Let’s review.

1. I underestimate the carb count of something. I know how to read a label. I have a scale. Sometimes, though, if I’m tired and I just want to sit in my chair with a bag of bbq potato chips and watch television, I don’t weigh. I guess I’ll eat about 2 carb units worth, shoot up, then just shovel the chips in until I’m bbq’d out. Did I eat 2 carb units? Did I eat 3 carb units? Did I eat 1? Who knows. What I really need to do is just take a bowl from the cabinet, put it on the scale directly below said cabinet and weigh. Seriously. Not that hard.

Next big thing: I like to bake. While I try to stick with recipes that list some sort of carb count, I don’t always. So I wind up guessing. And it usually takes me until the last brownie to find the right carb count. You’d think I’d write this down, to remember for next time, but I don’t. And you’d think I’d realize that if a container of harmless yogurt has 1 carb unit, the brownie most certainly has more than two, or three.

2. I don’t give myself any insulin for what I’ve eaten. If I’m really low, I’ll drink a juice or eat an applesauce, about 1 carb unit, and not shoot for it. This is fine. It brings my number up to a yes-I-think-I-can-think-now number, without pushing it too far over the limit.

But when my numbers are not low, when they are normal and I want to eat, I must shoot. This is 101, right? But it’s so easy just to grab that handful of Tootsie Rolls, or eat a tapioca pudding cup without even thinking. I don’t know why or how my mind/body justifies this, but it does. And I consciously do not shoot. And when I’m done eating, I think somehow, magically, the carbs won’t count. And then I test, and I’m high, and I know if I had simply done the shooting to cover the food, I would have been normal.

I’m not beating myself up, but I am giving myself a slap on the wrist or a flick on the side of the head. I’m responsible. It’s my body, they’re my numbers and it’s just a little stupid of me, I think, to be this slack with something that only takes an extra minute or two to control. Seeing those numbers on the page makes me realize how much I really am being lax, and I’m going to make a conscious effort to do better; I know I won’t always, but I think I should at least try.

As always, more to come…

*P.S. Never write a blog when you’re zoned out from sinuses, or sinus meds or slightly low blood sugar—or especially all three. I had to look up how to spell “conscious” three times, even though I’ve known how to spell it since the third grade, possibly the second… Cheese and crackers, one carb unit, one unit of insulin…

Diabetes Shots

2009-09-21T08:02:00.000-05:00

I NEED A NEW ONE
I’m using my old Lantus OptiClick pen case for my Novolog pens. The case is bulky (because that nasty OptiClick pen was bulky) and too big for what I need it for, but I just don’t seem to ever remember to look for a better version. There are two pens in there because I left my kit at work one night, and had to bust out a new pen at home. I’m hoping I can use up the insulin in both of them and not have to throw one away because it’s gone wonky.

Diabetes Shots

2009-09-17T08:02:00.000-05:00

HERE ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS
Massively worded, tiny-sized type, origami-folded instructions and disclaimers that come inside my Lantus and Novolog boxes. I’ve read each one once, the first time I took each form of insulin. Now I just think of them as padding, so my Lantus glass vials and my Novolog pens don’t roll around inside the box.

I Don’t Feel 98

2009-09-14T12:43:00.001-05:00

And, no, I’m not talking about my age (because sometimes I do feel like I’m almost a 100 years old…I digress).

I’m incredibly irritated right now—by the last e-mail someone sent me, by the magazines that are too close to my arm right now, by the marker that’s in front of the keyboard, by the fact that I keep having to delete typos and start over, by my palm, which stings from where I just tested it, convinced it was going to show me I’m dive-bombing into the 70s and below.

But I’m 98. And 15 minutes ago, I was 101, and an hour before that I was 120. So I’m not rapidly descending as far as I know.

But my head has that fuzzy halo. And I’m as cranky as Mr. Wilson. So my logical conclusion is that my meter is wrong, wrong, wrong. That my body is wrong, wrong, wrong. That the numbers aren’t computing to what’s actually happening.

And I have no choice but to break out the Wee Brie and crackers and have at it.

You have to play diabetes by the numbers, but sometimes you have to play by the instinct, too. Or the crankiness factor.

As always, more to come…

Diabetes Shots

2009-09-14T08:02:00.000-05:00

OFFICE SUPPLIES
Colored paperclips: check. Large paperclips: check. Smarties: check. Standard office supply, no?

Molly Says Hi

2009-09-11T08:02:00.000-05:00

Diabetes Shots

2009-09-10T08:02:00.000-05:00

I COULDA HAD
A V8, and I do, almost every single morning. I figure it gives me a little more nutrition than I might normally get and, for some very odd reason, regular drinking of said product keeps my acid reflux at bay. Go figure. Also, point to make: I hate tomatoes of any kind and it took me over a month to be able to drink V8 without holding my nose. Now I swill it like I’m a frat boy at a kegger with a warm beer—I swallow as fast as I can and don’t dwell on the taste.

Ooops…

2009-09-09T12:21:00.000-05:00

I kinda forgot I have an endo appointment in three weeks. I’d really like to bring in some good information, since this will be my first visit after being on the Novolog since Easter. (I had one quickie appointment about three weeks after going on it, just to make sure it wasn’t causing an allergic reaction/too much/too little/killing me—usual stuff.)

Unfortunately, I suck at the logging thing. My meter will keep my readings as long as I test often enough. HOWEVER, the diabetic world doesn’t seem to like to be compatible with MAC, and I’m not giving up my MAC, so I have to manually flip through the meter with a pencil and notebook to log them.

I also want to log how many carbs I’m eating and how many units I’m giving myself, and mesh them with my meter readings. Which means keeping track of the times I’m eating and shooting, so I can sync with my meter readings. Ack. It all sounds so horribly complicated and so time consuming and mind numbing. (Whine, whine, whine, bitch, bitch, bitch.)

So, as of tomorrow (because doing it today seems awfully daunting, and I haven’t picked out a pretty notebook yet), I’ll be in log mode, trying to write down all the tiny little details. And I’ll also wait to start until tomorrow, because I just realized my meter gained about 20 minutes of time somewhere along the way (scary; what else did it gain?) and the whole timing thing will be off if I don’t fix it before I start logging.

I’m off to change the meter time and find my notebook. I saw some really cool handmade ones somewhere. Life is always better with pretty paper.

As always, more to come…

Diabetes Shots

2009-09-07T08:02:00.000-05:00

BOXED UP
I have many different boxes for my diabetes stuff, including a set of wooden boxes from Ikea. Some of the boxes hold office supplies, since the boxes are in my home office, but this one contains my Accu-Chek Multiclix lancets, my Freestyle test strips, extra batteries for my meter and my dog’s Percorten, which she gets injected with once a month for her Addison’s. My disease, her disease—it’s all good.

Attention, Please

2009-09-04T08:02:00.000-05:00

I can be easily distracted. I admit this freely, and I think I may have even demonstrated this once or twice (okay, maybe three times) in my writing on this blog (my love of parentheses feeding this habit).

One would think, though, that in certain situations, my distractions would be limited and my focus would be 100 percent—say, upon jabbing a needle into my stomach. One would be wrong.

I’m standing in my kitchen, shooting up for the pizza that just arrived. I dial my Novolog pen for a large dose and insert the needle into my gut. Flish-flash and something on the television in my living room catches my eye. I look up and in some sort of instinctual linear movement, I lift my hand slightly as well. I look back down a split second later to see the needle hovering just above my body, insulin dripping from the tip. I check my stomach and see a slightly raised circle of skin—insulin that has pooled just beneath the surface instead of being fully injected into the fat region.

I hate when this happens. It looks creepy and it feels creepy. The first time I did it, I panicked for hours, thinking I had created some horrific medical disaster that could only end in severe trauma. I learned that the insulin eventually sinks in; it just takes a little bit longer.

I don’t panic anymore, but I do think it’s a little dumb on my part, possibly a lot dumb. It takes, what, five seconds to shoot insulin from the pen into my body? And I can’t stay with the task on hand for the full five? I can only handle two, maybe three seconds at best?

The only explanation I can offer is that it’s become so routine to shoot, I don’t think about the physical act of doing it as much as I used to. This is a good thing, in that shots have never been fun for me (are they for anyone?), so the fact that I don’t have to screw up courage to jab myself is a plus. This is a bad thing, in that it’s a waste of insulin, and the insulin that does make it to its destination isn’t absorbed as well as it should be.

What’s a girl to do? Well, other than turn the television off before I dial? Focus. (Folk us. Wee folk. Folk lore. Lore. Lora. Hey, that’s me.)

As always, more to come…

Diabetes Shots

2009-09-03T08:02:00.002-05:00

GIMME BLOOD
This is my trusty blood kit that goes everywhere with me. My main meter is a Freestyle Flash, but my lancing device is an Accu-Chek Multiclix, thanks to the Diabetes Online Community. I HATED the Freestyle lancing device, which gave me huge, gaping wounds and I mentioned it in a blog. The Accu-Chek came highly recommended and I’ve never looked back.

Strip Show

2009-09-01T08:02:00.000-05:00

It’s time to play the diabetes strip game. That’s where you surf the Internet to find the most reputable place selling your brand of meter test strips for the lowest price.

For one, brief, shining moment, I had an insurance Camelot and I could get 100 test strips a month for a co-pay of $10. All good things must come to an end, though, and my new insurance has a different policy on “non-formulary” items. It now costs me $50 for 100 strips at the pharmacy. Still not a bad price, but I hate the pharmacy and I hate that I have one more prescription. I’d much rather just order all my “non-formulary” items online, where I can get them in bulk and get them for about the same price. If I look.

I’ve been using Hocks.com for a while; they seem to have everything I need and at good prices. Shipping is free when you order above a certain dollar amount (not hard to do when buying test strips), and you can earn “dollars” that you can apply to future orders, which means I almost always get four or five bucks off my total. They’re really reliable, too, and they’ve only messed up one order one time and immediately fixed it.

Every now and then, though, you gotta do the comparison-shopping thing. Who knows? Maybe someone got a good price on a huge box of test strips and they’re selling them off cheap, or someone has a good heart and is selling them for what they’re worth, not what the mark-up is.

Here are this week’s findings. Each price is based on 50 strips. Stunning, really, when you see the varying prices…

Health Warehouse: $28
Drugstore.com: $59.99
WalMart: $103.04
American Diabetes Wholesale: $28.78
Allegro Medical: $32.95
Walgreens: $114.99
Overstock Drugstore: $29.98
OTC Wholesale: $31.99
Hocks: $27.99

Hocks is still my winner, although there are a couple of other places that come close—but they don’t let me earn dollars and some have a shipping charge as well. I’ll also order my pen needles and my syringes at the same time—they have a really good inventory. And, I can get 200 alcohol swabs for $2.39. AND, they have Sugar-Free Tums!

I’m not being paid by Hocks to write this. It’s just that I’ve been all over the Internet for the last six years (except for my time in Camelot), always looking for the best prices and decent service, and I was hoping to save someone else a little time and trouble. Hocks doesn’t always come up in searches for Freestyle test strips, so someone might miss them.

And, of course, I’m always open to hearing if someone else has found a gem of a place to order diabetic supplies in bulk, online, for cheap.

We gotta stick together. These strip shows don’t come cheap—a dollar here, a dollar there…

As always, more to come…

DIabetes Shots

2009-08-31T08:02:00.000-05:00

BUTTER AND INSULIN
Like a lot of diabetics, I keep my insulin in one of the shelves in my fridge door. While I try to keep the butter separate, it does often end up mixed in. In case you're trying to read labels, there's a box of Lantus SoloStar pens, vials of Lantus, and boxes of NovoLog pens. I keep the insulin in my fridge until I'm ready to use it, then try to take it out the night before so it has a chance to warm up a bit. I hate injecting cold insulin.

Calorie Shmalorie

2009-08-28T08:02:00.000-05:00

I’ve given up my calorie-counting ways, or at least the documentation of them. For about two months I noted everything I ate, what I drank, how much I exercised. It was a good lesson in portion control and learning to look at a nutrition label for something other than carbohydrates.

However, I realized at some point it started to become a royal pain in the arse to keep dragging out my computer every time I wanted a snack. I also realized that I was focusing so much on numbers of fat grams, calories ate and calories burned, that I was starting to lose my grip on the other numbers, the ones on the meter.

I’m not good with numbers to begin with, so having two sets of numbers rule my life seemed like the beginning of a very bad idea.

I lost a few pounds, I can fit into a couple pairs of jeans that used to cut off my circulation from the waist down and I’ve gotten myself into a very nice exercise pattern. So now I’m just going to wing it. This little calorie song-and-dance number is over. Exit, stage left.

As always, more to come…

Diabetes Shots

2009-08-27T08:02:00.000-05:00

ROLLING ALONG
This is my exercise “bike” I have under my desk at work (those cords are for my computer). When I’m doing something online that doesn’t require full-on concentration, I try to ride my bike. I have to lower my chair a bit, so I doubt my fingers on the keyboard are ergonomically correct, but I can still type, so it’s all good. It came with a timer, and most days I try to do about two hours, randomly spaced throughout the workday. It’s not a full-on exercise bike, but it’s better than just sitting there!

The Old Switcheroo

2009-08-25T12:32:00.002-05:00

Used to be, I had trouble with my numbers at night; I couldn't keep them down where I wanted them. During the day? Perfectly fine. Nary a rumble of disgruntlement.

But now. My diabetes is exercising its right to vary.

Nighttime numbers aren't the issue anymore. It's the 4pm high that's killing me. It's like my body all of a sudden has decided lunch, well, we don't really need that, do we? Or perhaps we should only eat one carb unit at a time, wait until the numbers level off, then move on to the next one?

Pfft. I'm hungry. I want to eat my sandwich, my applesauce and my animal crackers, all at the same time. And give myself one shot to cover all of it. One. Shot.

I'm asking a lot. I know I am. I guess I'm just going to have to keep testing and playing with the Novolog until I can get it right.

Pfft. Stupid diabetes.

As always, more to come...

Diabetes Shots

2009-08-24T09:10:00.002-05:00

PITCHER PERFECT
My kitchen is ground zero for most of my diabetes activities. I dump my bag on the counter at the end of the day, pull out my blood kit and my Novolog kit, and they stay there until I reload the bag in the morning. I test on the counter and I shoot on the counter. As a result, there's often a lot of diabetes debris on the countertop. I finally, after much urging from the husband, grabbed a small container to store the flotsam in. This pewter pitcher is about four inches tall, and despite the fact that my actual garbage can is less than ten feet away, I find it easier to stash used test strips, swab wrappers and needle caps in here. I wind up emptying it about twice a week, depending on how stealthily I've crammed.

K2 + L1, Part Deux

2009-08-20T08:00:00.003-05:00

((Note: If you’re travelling here from Diabetesaliciousness and want to get straight to it, go ahead and skip to START HERE. If not, read on…)

If you’ve been hanging around the DOC for any length of time, you undoubtedly know who K2 is—Kelly K. at Diabetesaliciousness. Kelly is wise beyond her years and a rockin’ good chick who makes a mean mojito (or so I’m promised). The L1, that’s just me—Lora, with one L. I don’t have a cool nickname (although Kelly did refer to me as Lorabetes, which I thought was wicked fun).

Kelly has had diabetes for a really long time, and was diagnosed as a kid. I’ve had diabetes for a relatively short time, and was diagnosed as an adult. The two of us got together and decided to have a conversation about how different and how much the same our experiences have been with the Big D.

The conversation actually starts on Kelly’s blog, Diabetesaliciousness, and finishes up here (two, two, two blogs in one, errr…one, one, one blog in two!). After you’ve read part one…

START HERE:
Kelly: Your turn to answer: How and when did your diabetes education formally begin?

Lora: Baptism by fire. You know how the doctor said I should go to the hospital if I started throwing up? On Sunday, the day before I was supposed to go back to the doctor and learn everything, I was home alone and started throwing up. Projectile vomiting all over the bathroom, every five seconds. After about 15 minutes of non-stop, I finally caught a temporary break, grabbed my car keys, my bottle of Lantus and drove myself to the hospital.
I ran into the emergency room, threw the bottle of Lantus at the nurse and told her I had just been diagnosed with diabetes. She asked me what my blood sugar was and I told her I didn’t know. She started to lecture me and asked me why I hadn’t checked and I told her I didn’t know what she was talking about. She started to cuss out my doctor for not giving me a meter when I motioned that the vomiting was about to commence again. They immediately threw me in a bed and I spent the next week on an insulin drip in the ICU.
I thank that hospital every single day because as soon as they realized I had no clue what I was doing, they set up appointments with a CDE and a nutritionist and I got a crash course on how to be a diabetic, and some lovely pamphlets to take home for reference.

Kelly: You did go through baptism by fire! Hey, was “Mr. Hypo Is My Friend” one of the pamphlets??

Lora: No. Because I’m sure I would have remembered that one, and probably hung it on my fridge! Let’s talk about shooting up. Did they teach you how to do injections while you were in the hospital? Were you scared? Did your parents shoot for you?

Kelly: I was terrified of needles and would immediately start to shake and cry. I remember one nurse being afraid to give me a needle and saying something like: “She’s terrified. I’m afraid she’s going to pass out if I give this to her. She’s shaking.” I remember trying not to cry when it came time to shoot up. I’d actually stop crying and start shaking. The whole being- afraid-of-shots thing was why I was in the hospital for three weeks after diagnosis—they didn’t want me to leave until I could inject. Which I just realized now. WOW.
When I came home, my parents and my sister began giving me my injections. About a month later, I started doing it myself. My first shot took forever to inject and it was in my thigh. I remember my sister telling me to just stick it in and get it over with, but I did it my way—slow and steady.
After the first one, no one in my family ever gave me an insulin shot again! I realized that when I did it myself, it hurt less. Plus, and this might sound odd, but being able to inject my own insulin at age eight really gave me confidence and freedom. My friends thought I was brave. I remember my friend Theresa being amazed when I tested my urine sans the tape. I used test tubes and fuzzy pills and my bathroom looked like a lab—COOL. Also, injecting meant I could go on sleepovers without having my mother come in the morning to give me insulin. I knew what to inject and the sliding scale for high glucose levels in urine. I was proud I could do it on my own. Looking back, though, it might have been better if my mom had come over in the morning. But this was preglucose testing and the rules were different—and incredibly archaic.

Lora: Sounds like you were able to take control pretty quickly. Maybe there was an actual bit of Quincy in you…

Kelly: What about you? Were you afraid when you first starting injecting?

Lora: Terrified, just like you, even though I was 26 years older! I was the little kid who had to be held down by my mom and two nurses so the doctor could give me my vaccination shots. My first solo shot, I sat on the edge of my bathtub for over half an hour, reading the Lantus instructions and trying to screw up the courage to jab my thigh. I kept shaving off a couple of minutes each night until I could do it in a timely manner. Still not my favorite thing to do, but you do what you have to, right?
And by the way? I agree that’s it’s much easier to give yourself a shot than to have someone else do it. I’ve never had anyone give me an insulin shot.

Kelly: Seriously—you’re my SHERO! SO, did you ever blame yourself for your diabetes?

Lora: At first. I thought maybe if I had eaten better, kept my weight under better control and exercised more, I could have held the diabetes at bay for longer. After all, I had gone 34 years before it reared its ugly head, couldn’t I have gone even longer if I’d made the planets align just so? I was also in a bit of denial. I kept thinking maybe the test the doctor gave me was wrong. Did I have Gatorade that morning, thinking it didn’t count as fasting? Could that have thrown my blood sugar off and caused a misdiagnosis? Then I’d stop myself and remind my brain that DKA doesn’t happen because someone drinks Gatorade.
I could be wrong, but I think as an adult, you tend to look for reasons why and to place blame. As a kid, I think you just accept that’s the way it is, even if you don’t like it. I think my parents were a little more like the kid in my diabetes diagnosis; they didn’t really know what it meant, and they accepted what I told them. How did your parents handle your diabetes?

Kelly: My parents were very much into making me take ownership for my diabetes. They wanted me to be independent, and they set some wonderful examples. Exercise was paramount, as was diet, yet they still allowed me to have ice cream and be a kid. Honestly, Lora, our house was a diabetes pressure cooker. Looking back, I know my parents were under a tremendous amount of stress, and I truly think they were overwhelmed by diabetes and were just doing their best to survive day to day. I think they felt worse about it then I did. To this day, I have no clue how they did it.

Lora: How did you handle your diabetes as a kid?

Kelly: I hated that MY disease hurt my parents so much. I felt so guilty. I tested my urine and yes, sometimes I lied about the results. I’m not proud about that, but I was afraid of my family’s reaction to a high reading. I saw how upset and sad they became when my tests were high. I started lying about my results so I wouldn’t see the pain in their faces. I don’t blame them; they had SO MUCH on their plate. But, I was and am a people pleaser, so lying about my numbers made sense at the time.
I didn’t want my parents worrying about me. I kept a lot in as kid. I’d make them laugh and admitted to nothing. Everything was always fine, even when it wasn’t; I would rather cry in my room at night than worry the people I loved.
I remember getting the flu in the middle of the night and not telling my parents until the morning. I just grabbed the bucket, some ginger-ale and Saltines, and went back to bed. I told them I was sick in the morning. They were so mad—they were afraid of me going into DKA. But I saw how much time my sister being sick took from them, and I just wanted them to get a good night’s sleep.

Lora: Sounds like, as a kid, you felt more accountable about your diabetes to your parents than to yourself… At what age do you think you truly took control of your diabetes, and did it for yourself?

Kelly: There was no real “this-is-all-me” moment. I knew that when I moved out of my parents’ house, and even when I was in it, that my diabetes care was up to me. I didn’t do great with my diabetes in college or immediately after. It wasn’t until I was 25 that I started really owning it. Once I started owning my diabetes, it ceased to own me. I became empowered and I felt great.
I started the pump in my early 30’s, after my endo begged me. Pre-pump, My a1c was very low, around 6.4, because I was working out like crazy at the time. BUT, my stomach looked like a freaking color wheel—various shades of green, yellow, and purple. My endo made me a deal: If I tried the pump for one year, I could get rid of it if I really hated it. I agreed and have never looked back! I love it!

Lora: We’ll definitely have to have the pump discussion down the road. I think I’m as reluctant about it as you sounded. Do you remember life before diabetes? As a seven-year-old… ;)

Kelly: Lora, I’ll answer any pump questions you might have—I know that you’d LOVE it. Life before diabetes barely exists in my memory. Before I was diagnosed, I was surrounded by insulin junkies. I grew up drinking Tab even when I didn’t have to.
Before my diagnosis, I remember Pixie Sticks and Fun Dipp; “The Wonderful World of Disney” on TV every Sunday night; tap-dancing lessons on Saturdays; and gymnastics on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Summer days were spent on the beach and going to the Margate Movie House for free whenever I wanted, drinking ginger-ale from a real glass during “Bambi” because my brother was a theater usher.
Those same things occurred after dx as well....sans the Fun Dipp and Pixie Sticks. That pre/post diabetes line is severely blurred, which is probably a good thing...
Of course there were times when I wanted to be “normal,” but diabetes didn’t make me feel not normal or dorky. I felt different because of my looks and my interests, not necessarily because of my disease. I’ve had my F Diabetes moments of course, just like everyone else.

Lora: Sounds just like my childhood, complete with Donald Duck and minus the gymnastics—I’m so uncoordinated. Definitely not gifted in that area…

Kelly: But gifted in others…because of diabetes! What gifts has diabetes given you?

Lora: A true appreciation for irony. I hated shots as a kid, now I have them daily. I hated math all through school, now I have to count, multiply, divide carbs and insulin units every couple of hours. All the foods I love the most are the ones that mess with my sugars the most.
I also have a little more courage than I used to. I’ve always wanted to travel and had just started about three years before my diagnosis. I was afraid diabetes would stop that and I refused to let it. Four months after dx, I flew to Tokyo for vacation, just to prove to myself I could do it, and everything else I wanted to. Without the dx, Japan might still have been on the back-burner, while I explored safer options. I had to come up with that courage and keep it in the forefront to conquer quite a few things.
I’d also have to say I’ve come out of my shell a little more. I can be shy by nature, but I realized really quickly that if I need information and answers about my diabetes, I have to speak up and ask the questions. I also put myself out there with my blog. I’ve kept a personal diary since I was 10 and have always kept everything pretty close to the vest. With the diabetes, I felt like keeping it too close to me wouldn’t do me any good; I would obsess without anyone stopping me and have pages and pages of worries and admonishments if I left it all in my journal. Externalizing everything I’m thinking and feeling and worrying about with diabetes helps me keep things in the proper perspective.
And, of course, I consider the folks of the DOC a gift. I don’t know anyone personally who has diabetes, so it’s nice to read about what other people are doing. I learn a lot about the technical side, and the emotional side. K2, you are an excellent teacher!

Thank you, thank you, thank you (K2 and L1 take a deep bow). We’re here every day on the DOC—you just gotta look for us….

As always, more to come…

Sucker.

2009-08-17T12:37:00.002-05:00

See also: Lora.

As a diabetic, I count carbs. I’m so focused on this aspect of food, that when I check nutrition labels, I often zone in on the carb count and forget to check the calories.

Unfortunately for me, I’ve been trying to watch my calorie intake as well as my carb intake, and I totally goofed. Last week we went to Sam’s Club and I bought a box of Ferrero Rocher. Three pieces is a serving size, and it’s only 15 carbs per serving. Only one unit! Yes! Perfect! I could have a little taste of chocolate, not blow my diet and not blow my carb count.

Ferrero Rocher, if you’ve never had one, is a very rich chocolate, which, according to their Web site, is “a tempting combination of luscious, creamy, chocolaty filling surrounding a whole hazelnut, within a delicate, crisp wafer…all enveloped in milk chocolate and finely chopped hazelnuts.”

Pure joy. Pure evil.

You know when they use the word “enveloped” to describe a food item, it means it’s really rich, really good, and really full of calories. 220 calories for three pieces, to be exact. Only one carb unit! But 220 calories.

And, it being Sam’s Club, the box is the big size. While I have yet to scarf down the whole thing in one sitting, it has not been an uncommon occurence for me to crinkle six gold wrappers within a five-minute time period. Only two carb units! But 440 calories.

How easily I’m suckered into eating something just because the carb count is low. How easily I’m suckered into buying shiny chocolate. Sucker Lora must remember to read little (or very large) number next to “Calories” in addition to number next to “Carbohydrates.”

As always, more to come (until the box is empty, that is)…

Damn. Now I want another one.

I Saw Donuts And, Well…

2009-08-14T15:28:00.001-05:00

I take my inspiration where I can get it, and today, it came in the form of frosting and sprinkles. I needed a little change. (So did you. Admit it. Everyone likes a makeover.)

Okay. So the whole Twitter thing. I do have a log-in, and I do try to write something every now and then, trying to do my part with the hashtags and getting diabetes as a trending topic. (I hope I used all that lingo right.)

But the truth is, being on Twitter for longer than five minutes is difficult. At work, it’s hard to justify why I would be on it for any sort of duration. At home, I stay off my computer as much as possible, since I’m on it all day. And, since I’m being honest here, I’d rather watch an episode of Leverage or The Closer or Make It Or Break It, or sit outside with my dogs (where my Wi-Fi doesn’t reach) and read a library book than roam through the Internet. As such, when I do log on to Twitter, I usually have to go through 24 hours or more of Tweets to get caught up, and even then, I miss a lot of stuff.

I think Twitter is great for instant community support, and if I ever find myself in a job where I can just monitor and add a note as I please, I’m sure I’ll be addicted. But until then, I like the blogs. I like reading what everybody has spent some time thinking about before posting.

I even like to make a comment here and there. But sometimes I don’t, just because I feel a bit out of the loop. I’ll hit the “comments” button and see a bunch of people have congratulated or commiserated about something not written about in the blog, but Twittered. I feel a little dumb just saying what I was going to say, ignoring something that seems so obvious to everyone else and making me appear, in my mind, like I’m a cad for not acknowledging something important.

So. (And I do love that word; it’s such a lovely, easy transition.) So. I’m just going to go with being in my own little blog world, reading everyone’s posts and commenting as I normally would. Please excuse me if I don’t say the appropriate thing or don’t get what everyone else is talking about. It’s not that I’m being rude or mean, it’s just that I’m not Twittering.

As always, more to come (#bgnow 95)…

Why Is It...

2009-08-11T13:04:00.004-05:00

...when you only have five test strips left in the bottle, and no back-up bottles with you, that it takes three strips to get a test result?

Six hours to go, two test strips left.

As always, more to come...

Summer Vacay

2009-08-06T09:01:00.000-05:00

I’m not officially taking a summer vacation; I usually don’t. Perhaps that’s why I’ve somehow, without my approval, decided to take a break in other areas of my life.

I’ve been good about keeping up with my exercise, the laundry, my Tivo, returning the library books. What I haven’t been good about is keeping up with my diabetes. I just realized when I finished my last test strip in the bottle yesterday that it had been a very long time since I’d opened that bottle.

I should be testing six or seven times a day, but I think I’m somewhere around two or three. I usually test first thing in the morning; it’s become as routine to me as hitting the bathroom right after rolling out of bed. This morning, I let the dogs out, fed them, did my weight-lifting exercises, turned on my computer, got everything out of the fridge to make breakfast and lunch and realized I hadn’t yet tested.

I’ve also been bad about the insulin. There’s been times in the last couple of weeks where I’ve finished my meal and realized I never shot myself. I try to do the after thing, but it doesn’t work as well. And there have been times where I just didn’t shoot at all. Then I didn’t test, so I don’t know what the numbers even were.

I’m not purposely doing it, at least not consciously. The whole diabetes things just sort of slips my mind. I know it can be a pain, but I’m only in my sixth year and I have a lot of years ahead of me of doing the testing and shooting routine. I’m hoping this is just a temporary break, and that I can get back on the bandwagon. I’d hate to have to plan a real vacation just to put myself back on track. Wouldn’t I?

As always, more to come…

Good Enough For Me

2009-08-03T17:03:00.001-05:00

C is for cookie, and that’s good enough for me. It’s better than good, it’s my heart’s desire right now, my obsession, my one and only true thought and my demon.

There’s only an hour and 15 minutes to go before I head home from work. I haven’t taken a lunch break yet, though I ate my sandwich and applesauce about four hours ago (diabetes has its occasional perks; I’m the only one allowed to eat inside the actual office). It’s really, technically too late to take lunch, yet I know I could hop the elevator downstairs and walk right into the built-in bakery/café in the basement of my building and buy a cookie and be back in a flash.

I could buy five crispy, soft, thick half-dollar-size chocolate chip cookies that are really, really good. Or I could buy one jumbo, giant toffee cookie that would feed a small village and tastes incredible, thereby satiating my cookie urges for at least three days.

I might normally indulge. But not only am I in carb-counting mode, I’m in calorie-counting mode. Carb-wise, I could bolus for the cookie, but then it would throw off my sugars for dinner and I’d be a mess for the rest of the night. Calorie-wise, I’m trying to lose a few pounds and I’ve been succeeding, but now I’ve hit my plateau and I need to stop the cookies or I’ll be stuck forever in the half-way there zone.

So I’m not going to buy that cookie. Even though I really want to.

And what does this all mean for you, my gentle readers? It means I’ve just managed to kill another ten minutes of not buying a cookie. Only an hour and five more minutes to go. (Sorry for luring you in with the hope of an insightful entry, then using you for my own horrible purposes of killing time.)

As always, more to come (but NO COOKIE, not even a C)…

All By Myself

2009-07-21T12:06:00.001-05:00

It’s official: I’m in a commuter marriage.

The husband got a great job with great benefits, great career experience, great company, great people. One small glitch: it’s one hundred and twenty miles south of where our house is.

The daily commute would be about 2-1/2 hours each way and virtually impossible to do. So we packed him up a week and a half ago and moved him to a small studio apartment near his new job. He drives home on Friday night, we spend the weekend together, and he drives back Sunday night or Monday morning and spends the week in his apartment. And I spend the week in our house. Alone.

While I do have two dogs for company and security (they like to bark), I realized this is the first time since my diabetes dx that I’ve lived alone. I’m not obsessively worried about it, but I do find myself taking a different set of precautions than I normally would.

My general rule of thumb is not to go to bed unless I’m over a 100. I’ve bumped that number up to 110, and I pay more attention to what I’ve eaten, how long ago, how my sugars might be affected. The other night I ate Chinese food and miscalculated how much insulin I’d need to cover it. I tested right before bed and I was high. Normally, I would have given myself a correction of a couple units, but I paused, thought twice and didn’t. What if I dive-bombed in the middle of the night? My dogs are good company, but they’re not very adept at getting the straw into a juice box.

I don’t have a history of waking up low in the middle of the night—it’s only happened a couple times in my six-year diabetes history. But there’s always a chance it will happen, and I’m going to do my damnedest to make sure it’s a fluke, and not some stupid, “Oh, I’ll be okay,” lapse-of-judgment moment on my part.

I know I’m not the only one who spends time alone with diabetes, so if anyone out there has any good advice, tips, tricks, suggestions that I might not have thought of, please let me know.

As always, more to come…

What When Why Where How

2009-07-17T09:18:00.001-05:00

Blogging by not blogging…

On the health front: Do I blog about the headache I woke up with and can’t get rid of? The skin tag I removed last night with nail clippers? The prescription refills I need to call in? The diabetic supplies I need to order?

On the home front: Do I blog about my pantry moths? My cloth moths? My silverfish? My need for an exterminator? How I wish I’d never torn apart my downstairs bathroom, which has been torn apart for two years?

On the dog front: Do I blog about how a stray gray cat taunted my dogs yesterday morning by sunning himself in our backyard despite their barking from every door and window in my house? About how I need to order Molly’s meds for her Addison’s? How they both desperately need to be furminated, and my whole house along with them?

On the work front: I’m not even going there.

On the Twitter front: Do I blog about what a time-suck, mind-suck, fun-filled activity this is? How I’m hoping the fascination goes away just like the Facebook fascination did?

On the let’s-pause-a-minute front: The sun is out in Chicago, steadily rising above the lake. Looking out my window, the water is sparkling like moveable glitter and there’s the lightest feather-wisp of a cloud stretched across the sky, a pale blue.

Wait. What was I talking about?

As always, more to come…

The Full Tweet

2009-07-14T16:54:00.000-05:00

It was the peer pressure. 14K diabetics saying “c’mon, it won’t hurt.” The test didn’t. The Tweet did, just a little.

Led by TuDiabetes, it was suggested that diabetics round the world unite in a single blood test at 4pm EST (that’s 3pm my time) and post their results. In addition to posting on TuDiabetes, you could also post on Twitter.

I believe I’ve mentioned before I’m a Twitter stalker. I follow what a lot of different people write, but I’ve never written anything myself.

But at 4pm EST (that’s 3pm my time), I caved. I wrote my blood sugar was 132. Then I wrote a second Twitter.

I’m in now. Full Tweet. I’m Chicagolora if you’re looking, although I’m not making any promises as to quality or quantity.

As always, more to come (here, and on Twitter, oh, and FB, too)…

*P.S. Very, very cool to see everyone’s Tweets on #14kpwd. I feel like I’m part of a gang! A very cool gang (kool gang?).

Shot In The Dark

2009-07-07T16:28:00.000-05:00

Guess what I now own? My very own glucagon shot. It’s real nifty—came in a sturdy red plastic case with instructions printed on the inside of the lid. Almost like a new power tool from Home Depot.

After six years of being on insulin, my new endocrinologist is the first one who’s ever asked me if I knew what a glucagon shot is and if I had one at the ready. Of course not. That would have meant someone was paying attention, and frankly, I can’t really blame the diabetes educator who gave me my four-hour crash course in how to be a diabetic while I was still under the throes of DKA in the hospital for forgetting to mention it. Or maybe she did and it just went out the window, like so many of the things she was trying to teach me.

Anyway. The new endo arranged an appointment with her RN for me and the husband to go in and learn all about the glucagon shot. Husband got to practice shooting a squishy ball, since he’d be the one shooting me up should I need a glucagon shot. He’s never given me an insulin shot, but he’s given my dog her monthly shot for Addison’s for over a year, so he’s not syringe shy.

Afterward, we went out for breakfast and I had mushrooms with melted cheese and scrambled eggs and toast with just a scraping of grape jelly (not a big jelly fan; only do grape once in a while, and only sparingly; otherwise: gross). Not actually an important part of my glucagon-shot-owning story, but it was a really good breakfast and slightly more memorable than the story the RN told us about her diabetic cat.

So. Me. Owner. Glucagon shot. The prescription says I have 999 refills (not a typo, 999) that are good through July of next year. I’m hoping I never have to use the damn shot, let alone refill it 999 more times.

As always, more to come…

Psssttt...

2009-07-03T09:54:00.002-05:00

To the right. Look to the right. See that date over there? 7/3/03? That means today is my D Anniversary. Six years.

I hear the city of Chicago is so excited for me, they're going to blow off some fireworks tonight.

As always, more to come...

Resonance Of A Dream

2009-06-30T09:18:00.001-05:00

I went to bed last night with a splitting headache. I checked my blood sugar before I lay me down to sleep and it was a little on the high side, which I attributed to the splitting headache. I quickly wondered if the headache went away while I slept, would I drop? I quickly answered no, I was high enough that it shouldn’t make a startling difference.

I drifted off to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream. Vivid snapshots swirled through my mind like classical music notes in a cartoon; I was scared, I was worried, I was full of sorrow, I was elated, I was in another world far, far away. I woke up all at once, sitting straight up before I was even out from under the dream. I was thinking, “this is it,” as I knew the reality of my mind had crashed over into another realm and I was forever lost. After minutes of seconds, I came to, fully bathed in sweat.

I reached behind me and turned on the lamp, damning courtesy all to hell (the husband would have to sleep through it or get woken up; he had no choice). I pulled out my meter and my lancet. He awoke and asked if I was okay. I looked at him, hoping the sweat running down my face would give him the answer. The meter beeped: 133. Perfectly fine. “133” I said out loud and turned off the light, heading back under the covers.

Sometimes, a dream is just a dream, and it rocks you to the very core. Sometimes a dream is not diabetes.

As always, more to come…

Toe Jam

2009-06-25T21:36:00.006-05:00

The distance from my bedroom door to my bathroom door is approximately eight feet.

This eight feet appears innocent. It is not.

I woke up in the middle of Saturday night and walked that eight feet to the bathroom, half asleep. And about four feet into my journey, I ran into this:

That’s a ladder. A very sturdy, fiberglass and metal ladder. It’s great for reaching high things and I feel very secure getting into my attic with it. However, I do not recommend slamming your foot into it in the middle of the night.

Ouch. That hurt. That really hurt. That really, *really* hurt. I went back to bed, pain in my foot, thinking I’d have a nasty bruise from an unpleasant toe-stubbing.

The next morning, I stepped out of bed with my right foot, then my left. Soon as the second foot hit the floor, I fell back in bed. Extreme pain. Swelling. Ugly colors beginning to appear.

I sat with ice on it, 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off, and watched Fred Astaire in The Band Wagon. I always forget how pretty Nanette Fabray is and I want about 75% of her wardrobe from this movie. I think I’d look very nice in fluffy skirts.

When the dust settled somewhere late in the day, it became obvious that while the whole foot is bruised and sore, it’s my fourth toe from the big one that’s suffered the most damage. See? Not so pretty. (P.S. My foot is not fat and I do not have chubby toes. That’s all swelling. And while my camera didn’t quite catch it, there’s a lovely lilac shade covering most of the top portion of my foot...)

On Monday morning, I debated back and forth on whether to call the doctor. I’ve stubbed my toe before, a lot, and I didn’t want to feel stupid going to the doctor for him to say, duh (he wouldn’t really do that; he’s really very nice).

I waited until after my dentist appointment at noon (to replace temporary fillings with permanent ones) and just from hopping around from half a day, I knew I’d have to call. I did and went to see him at 6:15 on Monday night. He took a quick look and sent me for X-rays, letting me know he’d call with the results the next morning.

On Tuesday morning, wearing my very non-Nanette house slippers as office shoe ware, I listened to his message informing me I had fractured my toe. While he asserted it would most likely just take time to heal, he wanted me to see a foot specialist to be sure.

I called to make the appointment with the foot guy, and the schedule lady gave me an appointment one week away. I questioned this, and I am very proud of myself for sticking up and telling her I needed to see him sooner. She transferred me to his physician’s assistant and I left a rattling voice mail. She called me back 10 minutes later to tell me I could see him the next day at 8am.

Wednesday morning and I arrived at the foot guy still wearing my non-Nanette house slippers (which, by the way, are not so good for walking in Chicago alleys). I spent 10 minutes filling out forms. I spent 10 minutes waiting for him. He spent about five minutes with me. He told me my fracture ran vertically from just below the joint down the length of my toe. He said it would hurt for about two weeks. He said it would take about eight weeks to heal completely, and would be swollen for most of that time. He gave me a fabulous sandal to wear so I could stop wearing my non-Nanette slippers.

I’d like to say something witty and wise here to wrap this all up, but really, all I can say is: this sucks.

As always, more to come…

I'm Blooming!

2009-06-17T20:32:00.011-05:00

I walked out the back door yesterday morning to see my lillies had started blooming. Photos? Here you go—a little slice of my backyard...

The lillies. The orange ones always seems to bloom first, and they also seem to be the most frisky. They reproduce like bunnies in heat.

One of the two hanging baskets I have floating down from my pergola. The pagoda windchime I bought in Tokyo. It makes me smile.

One of my favorite flowers that I planet every year—alyssum. I paired it in this pot on my deck with a carnation plant.

Frilly pink flowers that come back every year but I can't rember the name of, and cosmos, which I love weaving through the lillies. Oh, and my rusty copper solar light. I like the rustic look (and I'm not buying any new ones, so the rustic look will have to do).

Promises to come. The lillies that are still in hiding and have not bloomed yet. I'm hoping one of them is one of the tiger lillies that randomly decide to or not to come out each year.

As always, more to come (but not necessarily in floral form)...

1, 1 Calorie For Lora

2009-06-15T14:04:00.000-05:00

Wah, ha, ha, ha! (Sesame Street? The Count? Maybe it’s just me…)

Anyway, I found a place online where I can track what I’m eating. I enter my food item, see if it’s already in their database, and add it to my daily journal under breakfast, lunch, dinner or snack. If it’s not in the database, I key in the basic nutritional stuff myself, then add it.

The journal keeps track of calories, fat, protein, this, that—and oh, yeah, carbs. I’ll admit I started the food journal as a way to check my calorie intake (this is me, perpetually trying to lost the 10 lbs. gained when the thyroid went). I thought maybe if I could see what I was eating, I’d know where my weaknesses lie and when. I quickly realized, however, I was going to be paying more attention to the carb portion of the journal.

While on the Lantus, I carb-counted in units of 15. Since I wasn’t using any fast-acting insulin, a general rounding up or down of the numbers was sufficient. Now that I’m bolusing for each 15 grams, though, those extra carbs here and there add up a little more. They mean something.

So I’m filling out my food journal before I’m actually eating. Then I’m taking the carb total and dividing by 15 to get a more precise measurement of how much Novolog to take. It’s working well, I must say.

I’ve even keyed in my own food item titled “bolus” and I write down how many units I’ve taken to cover the meal. If I’ve gone higher than I thought I would after eating, I make a note to pump up the insulin power when I eat that item again.

I’ve never done a food journal online and figured I’d last two days tops, but I’m in my second week and I seem to be sticking with it so far. It’s pretty easy to bookmark it and call it up fairly quickly at work and home.

It’s also interesting to see that I thought I wasn’t getting enough protein, but I’m actually eating enough and even more than enough each day. Also, there’s a place where you can put in your “activities,” any sort of exercise, and it will calculate how many calories you’ve burned. It’s a bit of a motivator when that space is empty to move from my chair to the stationary bike while watching television, if only for a half hour.

And hey, if I lose some weight in the process, all the better for me.

As always, more to come…

It’s Friday

2009-06-12T11:51:00.000-05:00

My desk at work is filled with at least two “hot” items, a multitude of “warm” projects and a whole lot of “due in a week” stuff.

My house at home needs to be cleaned. My laundry needs to be done.

My garden needs weeding. And de-helicoptering. There’s a maple tree two doors down and the “helicopter” seeds have sprung up mini trees all over everywhere. Those damn things really take root.

My dogs need to be Furminated.

My checkbook needs to be balanced. My bills need to be paid.

My diabetes supplies need to be replenished; an online order should be placed very soon. Very soon.

My correspondence has been lacking. I owe a half dozen people letters or e-mails. (I still like nice fountain pens on pretty stationery.)

But you know what? It’s Friday. It’s the first day we’ve had without rain in Chicago for a thousand and six days. It’s supposed to be above 70 at some point during the day.

And I’m going to spend all the time I want gazing out my office window at the blue sky and sorta green-ish lake, and maybe take a walk at lunch.

At least I know there won’t be any stress-related high numbers this afternoon. Those will come on Monday when I have to play catch up.

As always, more to come…

Revealing

2009-06-10T09:08:00.001-05:00

In the past when I’ve written about my numbers—daily or A1c—I’ve gotten myriad comments. Some have been positive and encouraging. Others, not so much. I keep a really tight reign on my diabetes; that’s what I was taught to do, and having an A-type personality along with other control issues, it’s what’s programmed into me naturally. I work really, really hard at it and make a lot of sacrifices. I’m by no means perfect—I have my down days and scenarios, and that’s usually what I write about on here.

But I do have a lot of good days, and a lot of good numbers. At one point, though, I decided not to share them on here, because the comments that were written often left me feeling guilty or like I was being made fun of on the playground, or being read a bad deck of cards by a fortune-teller. My diabetes status has been called into question, I’ve been told that I’m on a six-year honeymoon, I’ve been warned to just wait—things were going to get a lot worse, I’ve been told I’m very lucky, as if everything with my body has been chance alone with no impact from me. Whether the commenters meant them as positive or negative, I took them to heart, felt like I was doomed, felt like everything I was doing in my diabetes care didn’t matter and like I was being a little bit ostracized for doing a good job and talking about it.

I went to the endocrinologist on Friday, as a follow-up for starting on the Novolog in late April. The doctor took my HbA1c and I got my test results on Monday. My number was good, really good, and I worked really hard to get it, and I’m really proud of it. But I debated on whether or not to post it here.

Then I remembered what my original intent of this blog was. I wanted a blog that showed that while there was a lot of work involved, and there would be hard days, it was not impossible to do okay with diabetes. And I write this blog for me, as well, as an outlet to freely write about diabetes, and feeling like I’m not able to write about my good days and my good numbers makes me feel like I’m censoring myself.

So. My HbA1c was 5.3. Yay for me!

As always, more to come…

Meter Reader

2009-06-06T09:35:00.002-05:00

I went to my endo yesterday as a follow-up to me starting on the Novolog. Not only did she give me some good advice on splitting my bolus when I told her I was afraid of bagels, not only did she agree with me that BCBS is stupid, stupid, stupid and glady re-wrote my prescription to meet their requirements, not only did she do a thorough exam of my feet, not only did she take another A1C "just to check," not only did she ask really good questions about my numbers, but she wasn't annoyed that I hadn't written down any of said numbers. She just took my meter and thumbed through it herself. I didn't even have to tell her which buttons to push to access the info. My endo actually knows how to use a meter and isn't afraid to read it.

I like her a lot.

As always, more to come...

& Stuff

2009-06-02T15:50:00.002-05:00

Related to diabetes in absolutely no way, but random information to update the universe (because you know you love me, xoxo) on life in my delicate little volatile and amusing-to-me world. (This is the & Stuff portion of my blog title.)...

*I’m on Twitter, but I’m only using it to stalk 58 celebrities. I don’t actually Tweet myself and I’m not sure I ever will. If you’re following anyone you love, let me know. Some of my faves: Ethan Suplee, Rainn Wilson, Mindy Kaling, Shaq, Chelsea Handler, Michael Ausiello, Dave Navarro, Kevin Pollak, Nathan Fillion, Kevin Smith and Paul Feig. Oh, and Shaun White, because I have an inappropriate (he’s too young, I’m too married) obsessive crush on him.

*I planted. I live in a house in the city and I have a small backyard. My front yard looks like hell because I completely ignore the three-foot wide space, but my backyard is my tiny paradise. I have a deck, a pergola, a pond. I also have a massive flower/rock bed and a bunch of pots all over the deck. Memorial Day weekend was spent planting, and this makes me very happy. (It’s a bumper-crop of lilies I’m expecting this summer. Bumper.)

*I love my dentist. Yeah, yeah, yeah—he’s nice, he’s good. But get this. During Part One of Phase 2 of my Mouth Renovation (long story), I sat in the chair to discover they’ve added super-cushy padding. And when I leaned back, I see that they’ve installed televisions on the ceiling. So I can watch TV while I’m in the chair getting the drill. He’s worth every penny.

*Speaking of television… I watch a lot. I’m not ashamed to admit this. I like to be amused, entertained, brought to tears, coaxed into laughter. I love Lost. This year, I Tivo’d every episode and waited until this past weekend to watch them all at the same time. Awesome. (Disclaimer: Yes, I read books, too.)

*I am currently in deep like with avocadoes. When ordering anything from anywhere, I used to always choose the dish with mushrooms. Now I choose the one with avocado. (See “amusing-to-me” line above.)

I could go on, but really, I think that glimpse is probably good enough to satisfy many a fine folk for now. I do like the “& Stuff” heading. Must remember to use again when feeling non-creative or punny.

As always, more to come…

It's All In The Wording...

2009-06-02T15:34:00.002-05:00

...Or BCBS sucks.

I’m currently on COBRA insurance. It took three months to activate, then became retro-active.

During this three month period, I started Novolog. My endo wrote me an rx for Novolog pens, indicating I was to take “about 20 units a day.” My CVS pharmacy did the math and figured out that a box of Novolog pens (five per pack) was equal to 75 days at 20 units a day and wrote that down in my “official” prescription information. I paid cash ($200+) for the insulin.

When my COBRA activated, I submitted all my prescriptions for reimbursement, like I’m supposed to. However, turns out my insurance company doesn’t like to pay for anything that’s over a 30-day supply. The $200 is non-reimbursable (it’s a word now). BCBS explained that they will cover the Novolog in the future, if the prescription is written differently so it only comes out to a 30-day supply.

I have an endo appointment on Friday and, in addition to discussing the many important facets of my new insulin regimen, how my sugars are reacting, what I’m doing right to keep myself alive and healthy, what I’m doing wrong that will possibly endanger me for the future, I will have to take time to explain to her that BCBS does not like the way she writes prescriptions and ask her to give me a new one that specifically says, “one box of pens for one month usage.”

See alternative title above for summary of situation.

As always, more to come…

MIA

2009-06-02T15:31:00.002-05:00

I've been off-grid for the past month. No particular reason. Just re-grouping in real life.

And because I can have a tendency to ramble (no, seriously), and I have a few things I'd like to write about, I'm going to do them in separate posts, instead of one long, huge, War-And-Peace type entry.

As always, more to come...

Gimme Drugs, Gimme Drugs

2009-05-07T14:54:00.001-05:00

(Warning: Digression ahead)

So there’s this Welcome Back, Kotter episode where the Sweathogs are once again scheming and if memory serves me correctly (it’s been a while since I’ve seen this one), each one is acting out some stereotype of what a “Sweathog” is supposed to be. Vinnie Babarino is acting like a drug addict, so he’s walking around, bent over, looking dazed (and hot, because John Travolta was hot when he was 20), with his hands out and repeatedly saying, “Gimme drugs. Gimme drugs. Gimme drugs.”

While not in the hot category (at least not since my 20s), I do feel his dialogue to match my mind frame right now. Give. Me. Drugs.

I’ve got pings and twinges and aches and weird echoes and no less than six doctors appointments scheduled within the next three weeks, only one of which actually has to do with a twinge.

I’ve got sinus issues, which I’ve had since my first major sinus infection at age 16. I’m used to the sinus stuff. Take OTC meds until I’m completely dried out, bang my head against a few walls (lightly, but I swear it helps) and listen to Nine Inch Nails at a deafening level in an effort to quell the skull-cracking pain that accompanies sinuses gone whack. The harsh stuff usually only lasts about a week, and if I can catch it in time, only a few days.

Aye, but here’s the rub. Throw some diabetes into the mix and I’m all confused. See, my sinus symptoms and my low-sugar symptoms are a whole lot a like. They’re actually almost identical. Headache, fuzziness, bizarro comprehension skills, the inexplicable feeling of wanting to take a nap right here, right now.

So I keep checking my sugar, because I don’t know if my sinuses are attacking, or my diabetes is. If it’s the sinuses, my sugars are actually a little high (I can also tell if I tip my head upside down, because it’s like the weight of my entire house suddenly lands on my frontal lobe).

Given my latest meter reading, and my readings throughout the last couple days, it appears I’ve caught the sinus thing a little too late. And despite my aversion to popping more pills than necessary, I’m all about sinus drugs right now. With painkillers included. Gimme drugs. Gimme drugs.

As always, more to come (gimme)…

My Education

2009-05-04T15:02:00.000-05:00

Having been on the NovoLog for a full two weeks now, I’m in various stages of learning how to dose for certain foods and the like. Luckily, I already know how to carb count and I’m pretty good at it. That helps a ton. If I had to learn how to dose and carb count at the same time, I think I’d be in tears.

Things I think I’ve figured out:
Bread. I have officially begun eating real sandwiches, with real bread. A whole two carb units! I’m so excited. Something real to support my turkey and swiss, finally!

Jay’s Pizza. My husband makes an awesome homemade pizza crust that he grills. It’s really good. And he made it this past weekend. And I didn’t skyrocket bang-zoom to the moon.

Things I’m still working on:
Pasta. Always a little tricky, but I didn’t do so bad the one time I ate it. I think I can do some adjusting and eventually get it right.

Morning vs. Afternoon vs. Dinner. I’ve always run lower in the morning and higher at night. It’s taking some time to figure out how to incorporate what I know about Lora-on-Lantus-only with Lora-on-Lantus-and-NovoLog. The time of day and how it effects me is one of those things.

Things I suck at so far:
Ice cream. I scream. I can’t get this right. And it’s summer. And I love ice cream. And I must be able to figure this out. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

Remembering the shot. Duh. At least three times I’ve been in mid-chew and done an Oh, sh*t. Gotta get that routine ingrained in my head.

Things I’m afraid to try yet:
Bagels. My arch nemesis. The one thing I’ve never been able to handle. A bagel in the morning pre NovoLog meant nothing else to eat for the entire day. They scare me.

Exercise. I have yet to jump on the treadmill for actual exercise, although I can already tell this is going to be a sticky wicket. I did some heavy-duty raking and gardening this weekend and watched my numbers do a dance. I can only imagine what 45 minutes on the treadmill will do. Must tread lightly (hah! tread!).

Things I don’t care about:
Shooting in public. I even hiked my dress up to shoot in the stomach at a Potbelly’s. (Okay. I was in a corner and I had tights on. No one saw a thing. But if they did? So what.)

High numbers. I do care, but I’m not freaking out. My endo told me the numbers would be off for a while, and not to worry about them so much. So I’m not. I’m only caring enough to fit them in as pieces of my puzzle.

Things I do care about:
Bruising. I’m a bruiser. Always have been, always will be. Shooting the Lantus would give me the occasional bruise, but I could generally avoid it with doing only one shot a day. Now that I’m shooting 4-5 times a day, it’s harder to avoid getting bruised, and harder to find prime real estate to shoot in. I’m experimenting with different-sized needles in different body parts, but I still look like a pin-cushion. With nickel-sized purple spots (with a tinge of yellow).

Things I didn’t expect:
More needles. If I’m giving myself more shots each day, it only stands to reason that I would need more pen needles. Despite this obvious deduction, I was surprised when my supply started dwindling at an alarming rate. I’ve since re-stocked with the appropriate amounts and gotten a better grip on this portion of reality.

Things I’d like to learn:
Coordination. So shooting my saddle bags would be easier. And I could attempt to shoot in the back of my arm. Long live dreams…

As always, more to come (because there’s always something more to learn)…

Mother Chucker

2009-04-30T19:59:00.003-05:00

This is my dog Charlie.
Charlie is nine years old (that’s 63 in dog years).

Chuck (one of the many other names he is known as) had his annual physical this week. It seems that my dog is “remarkable.” His flexibility, his teeth, his bloodwork and everything else on the inside and outside are perfectly healthy. So much so that combined with his advanced age, the vet said his health is remarkable.

I find it ironic that my dog, my pain-in-the-butt, afraid-of-the-furnace, compulsive-couch-licker, barks-at-such-a-high-pitch-it-makes-ears-bleed dog is in perfect health, yet his very-sweet, lets-Chuck-sleep-in-bed-with-her, gives-Chuck-good-dog-bones, dries-Chuck-off-when-he-comes-in-from-the-rain owner is not. I am so far from remarkable.

Go figure. Long live Charlie. That mother chucker.

As always, more to come…

My Mix

2009-04-27T08:31:00.000-05:00

Cara over at “Every Day Every Hour Every Minute” had the fun and brilliant idea for a get-to-know-me experiment. She was listening to music on shuffle and wrote down the first 20 songs that came up. The idea caught on and for the last couple of days, I’ve been sneaking around everyone’s iPods and getting a kick out of what all the bloggers out there have been ear-worming. Just because I like to be part of the group and feel it’s only fair for you to jump into my shuffle as well, here’s my list…

1. Edge of Seventeen, Steve Nicks – Stevie. What more does a girl have to say?

2. Bliss, Alice Peacock featuring John Mayer – I listen to and like this song despite the fact that John Mayer sings on this. I believe (or I like to think) it was before his head got big and his dates became public knowledge.

3. London Bridge, Fergie – She swears a lot in this song. I swear a lot, too. But I don’t like it because of that, I like it because I can dance around my kitchen to it.

4. I Only Want To Be With You, Dusty Springfield – A classic. Also the song my husband and I danced to at our wedding.

5. I Heard It Through The Grapevine, Marvin Gaye – I love me some Motown.

6. That’s What I Think, Cyndi Lauper – Cyndi is often underrated. This is one of her songs that goes beyond Girls Wanna Have Fun (although I love that song, too).

7. Missing You, John Waite – This has been one of my all-time favorites since high school. It gets me *right here.*

8. Time To Pretend, MGMT – If you’ve seen the movie 21, you’ve heard this song. You’ll probably go, “A-ha!” when you hear it.

9. Even Angels Fall, Jessica Riddle – Just a nice song. Especially when riding on the CTA bus.

10. A Thousand Miles, Vanessa Carlton – I like this song, then my niece did a lip-sync of it on You Tube and I like it even more.

11. In My Life, Chantal Kreviazuk – I love this song when just about anybody sings it, but this one is really sweet.

12. All I Want, Lightening Seeds – If you’ve never listened to a Lightening Seeds song, you should try this one. I don’t even know if he’s still around…

13. Superfabulous, Bt – Great song to hula-hoop to.

14. Detective, No Doubt – Not necessarily my favorite Gwen song, but it’ll do.

15. Dream A Little Dream Of Me, Mamas & Papas - Mama Cass sings it like no one else does.

16. Lost In You, Rod Stewart – I’ve had a thing for Rod since way back when. I’ve seen him in concert twice. I was born too late to be a true groupie, but I would have loved to hang with him in his heyday.

17. I Touch Roses, Book Of Love – This has been in my music library for so long, I had to look up who sang it. How could I have forgotten Book Of Love from my college days???

18. Got It Good, Jem – I love her. This is from her second album. Her first was awesome.

19. Mine All Mine, SheDaisy – Country music isn’t my first love, but I find myself liking more and more of it. I dig almost every song on this album.

20. Here It Comes, Longwave – Huge Veronica Mars fan and the show had awesome music. That’s where I first heard this one.

Some of these seem obscure when I look back, but I should also admit to having BOC (Blue Oyster Cult), Hilary Duff, Def Leppard, The Cure and a whole lotta ‘80s music on my iPod. It just didn’t happen to come up in this random shuffle. Maybe next time.

As always, more to come (don’t fear the reaper)…

I Must, I Must, I Must Increase My…

2009-04-24T10:00:00.000-05:00

I’m a smart girl. Really I am. So I don’t know why it’s taking so long for it to sink in that I need to dose the NovoLog for everything I eat. Everything.

Last night I went out to dinner and whipped out my pen between the appetizer and the main meal, gave myself the appropriate injection and carried on with my enchilada suiza. No problems.

While we were driving home, we noticed the Tastee Freeze had opened for the season. Yay! We stopped and I got a sundae. The thought of giving myself a shot briefly crossed my mind, but I didn’t do it. I don’t know why. I think somewhere in the back of my head I’m still thinking there’s a lot of Lantus in my body to help cover it, somehow forgetting that I’ve decreased my dose from 45 units to 30 units. And I’m not making the connection that, no, that’s not going to do anything to an ice cream sundae (which was awesome, by the way, as the first one of the season always is).

Flash forward to bedtime about two and a half hours later. 197. Damn! Should’ve given myself the NovoLog. Following my “sliding scale” guidelines, I gave myself a unit. I was pretty close (within three numbers) of giving myself two units, but I’m still in the learning process and I didn’t want to give myself too much insulin right before bed, fall asleep, get a low and not realize it. I also gave myself my regular Lantus dosage.

About two hours later, I woke up in a pool of sweat. I didn’t know if it was because I was high. I didn’t know if it was because I was low. I didn’t know if it was because I had a 72-pound dog laying across me. I grabbed my kit and tested. 195. I didn’t do anything. I knew the sundae was pure sugar and eventually, the numbers would drop and probably drop drastically. I took my chances and went back to sleep.

Flash forward again (can you see the wavy lines, like in Wayne’s World?) and said 72-pound dog is licking and nudging my hand at four in the morning to go out. As long as I was up, I checked my sugar again. 95.

I must, must, must get it into my head that the NovoLog is not optional if I want to keep my numbers under control. That I must dose for the sundae. That I must dose four units if I’m eating four carb units. I’ve been timid with the shots and conservative with the insulin, fearing lows. But I’ve been on the NovoLog for five full days now and I haven’t been below 95 once, so I think I’m doing okay.

There’s just so many factors I’m still trying to figure out. How the NovoLog reacts with items of less nutritional substance is one of them (ice cream? caramel sauce? whip cream?). And I know that the only way I’m going to get a grip on anything is to dose, keep a sharp and constant eye on my body’s reactions and take note for next time.

I know it’s all for the best—I’ve eaten my first french fries, my first giant muffin and my first whole pita bread without skyrocketing for the first time in about three years. I even ate a whole hamburger bun, just to see if I could! And I could!

But I’m back on the learning curve. I became a pro at the Lantus, knowing when to up the dosage or when to drop it; knowing what to eat, when to eat and how many carbs to keep my sugars in control. I know how my body reacts to certain foods when the Lantus is in the picture, but not when the NovoLog is added to the equation. I’m in kindergarten all over again, wishing I already had my college diploma.

I’m taking it day by day and I think I’m going to have to start reciting a mantra to remind myself I must shoot up: “NovoLog the numbers. NovoLog the numbers.” I’m a smart girl. Surely I can graduate soon?

As always, more to come…

Lora’s Novo Log: Day One

2009-04-20T09:09:00.001-05:00

Star date: Friday, April 10. Visited new endocrinologist. Shared a wealth of information and she posed the intriguing questions: “Would you like to eat?” and “Would you like to eat more than cheese?” Like cheese. Like cheese a lot, but fear it is not enough to sustain me. Endo prescribed NovoLog. My first experience with fast-acting insulin. Plane due to depart hours after endo appointment. We consulted and agreed the NovoLog should start upon my return.

Star date: Sunday, April 19. Started the NovoLog. Tiny increments—one unit of insulin per carb unit for consumption. Reduced my current dose of Lantus from 45 units nightly to 30 units nightly. Can do “sliding scale” up to four times a day. Have not slid yet. Am feeling like newborn all over again. More numbers to add, more shots to give. Slight fear. Slight excitement. Will be good to eat when I’m hungry, and not have to wait until sugar drops to do so. Will be good to eat crackers with my cheese.

Okay. I’m not a Trekkie, but I feel like I’m on an adventure here. I like the new endo and like the fact that she just didn’t take my HbA1C for the number it was, and really looked at my day-to-day. She said she was amazed I had been able to live on my regimen for as long as I had, and it was definitely time I started to be able to eat again. Being on the Lantus alone was very restricting, and I feel like adding the NovoLog will help with that. It is all a bit scary, but I’m just taking it one day at a time and experimenting within the guidelines. Am. Being. Very. Careful.

I’ve asked my doctor a lot of questions, and I’m making a list as more come up, but if any of you out there have any advice, tips, tricks and suggestions that only PWD have, I’d appreciate anything you can offer up.

As always, more to come (more insulin…)…

Data Entry

2009-04-07T21:39:00.003-05:00

Life is still a little more hectic than normal, and to top it off, I've got an appointment with a new endo on Friday morning (about six hours before I hop a plane to London for a much-needed vacation). The new endo has already sent me a letter asking me to bring in my meter log and all sorts of info. Being the good patient I am, I've started another week of documenting my sugars every hour along with what I eat and when I exercise. (Unfortunately, when my life goes busy, exercise is the first thing to go, so I think there's only one or two of those entries on there...)

Anyway, since I haven't really had time to blog, I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone and post a couple of days of logging right here (logging, blogging, so close). A few notes: the 200 thing freaked the hell out me; that's really high for me. I discovered French Onion soup has more carbs in it than I thought. CU stands for carb unit (for those of us not used to counting carbs (hi mom!)). Oh, and I know I'm supposed to take the Lantus at the same time every night, but I'm trying to back up the time a little bit each night to make up for the time difference in London so I don't have to wake up at 3 in the morning and give myself a bleary-eyed injection. And while I may have been crazy before but with normal numbers, it was all false advertising, because these digits really show the stress and extra hectic-icity (I made that word up) that I'm going through.

Without further ado, days in the life of Lora...

THURSDAY, 4/2/09
8:11 = 87
8:15 juice box, Nutrigrain bar, 3cu
9:53 = 120
10:54 = 96
11:33 = 89
12:12p = 72
12:12p granola bar, 2cu
1:14p = 116
2:00p = 89
2:15p = 90
2:30p brioche roll, est 1cu
2:30p cup french onion soup, est 1cu
2:45p flatbread pizza, est 2cu
3:10p cookie, est 3cu
3:23p = 125
4:03p = 146
4:14p floor pedaller, 60min
5:15p 2 tylenol, 0cu
5:34p = 158
6:01p = 164
6:10p vodka drink, 0cu
6:20p tuna and fries, est 2cu
7:17p = 138
8:25p = 139
9:34p = 83
insulin @ 9:30p, 45 units Lantus
½ nutrigrain bar, 1cu

FRIDAY, 4/3/09
7:47 = 73
7:48 english muffin, 2cu
8:39 = 127
10:03 = 103
10:43 = 96
11:29 = 87
12:25p = 85
12:25p granola bar, 2cu
1:33p = 122
2:16p = 113
2:42p salad and roll, est cu3
3:30p = 113
4:38p = 111
5:39p = 120
6:33p = 105
7:39p = 87
7:45p vodka drink, 0cu
8:23p flatbread pizza, est 2cu
9:05p = 111
insulin @ 10:30p, 45 units Lantus
10:32p = 119

SATURDAY, 4/4/09
8:14 = 113
10:03 = 114
11:09 = 89
11:12 swiss sandwich and cracker sticks, 2cu
12:10p = 120
1:30p = 117
2:44p cottage cheese, small brownie, 1cu
2:48p = 81
2:50p chocolate pretzels, 1cu
4:50p = 106
4:53p peanut butter wafer, 1cu
6:15p = 105
6:18p small brownie, 1cu
7:39p = 115
7:45p beef sandwich and fries, est 5cu
8:13p small piece of cake, est 3cu
insulin @ 9p, 45 units Lantus
11:00p = 281 (test was slow for result; re-tested)
11:02p = 204 (tested on palm instead of arm)
11:02p = 238 (tested on palm on different meter)
12:20p = 157 (set alarm after going to sleep to make sure # on downswing)

SUNDAY, 4/5/09
7:45 = 141
8-10 clean house
10:05 = 95
10:40 = 87
10:41 granola bar, 2cu
1:02p = 82
1:13p turkey sandwich, 1cu
1:20p peanut butter wafer, 1cu
2:35p = 89
2:35p small brownie, 1cu
4:45p = 91
4:45p chocolate pretzels, 1cu
7:00p = 106
7:00 salmon, asparagus, potatoes, est 1cu
8:17p = 110
insulin @ 8:30p, 45 units Lantus
8:42p peanut butter wafer, 1cu
9:35p = 116

MONDAY, 4/6/09
7:06 = 86
7:13 granola bar, juice box, 3cu
9:16 = 124
10:34 = 88
10:45 cracker sticks, 1cu
11:27 = 73
11:30 pretzels, 1cu
12:05p = 112
12:36p = 126
1:36p = 104
2:09p = 92
2:15p small brownie, 1cu
2:40p = 110
3:51p = 109
4:35p = 129
5:36p = 93
7:16p = 80
7:50p flatbread pizza, peanut butter wafer, 2cu
7:53p = 113
insulin @ 9p, 45 units Lantus
9:20p = 126

As always, more to come (but not until after vacation, which I so richly deserve)...

Crazy Me, I'm Normal

2009-03-25T18:11:00.002-05:00

Life has been crazy. Crazy at work. Crazy at home. Crazy in my mind. The only place I don't seem to be crazy, despite the stress and activity that accompany crazy, is in the numbers game.

I'm surprisingly normal. Even better than normal, actually.

I took my sugar the other night expecting to see a high number, and I got an 84. Every time I think I've pigged out beyond what I should possibly be eating, I wind up with a 119 or a 124 (outrageously good given my carb count for those moments).

The only idea I have is that maybe, in some freaky, f'd up way, my body thrives on chaos and crazy. Perhaps I should become more undone more often.

As always, more to come (just sporadically for the remainder of the crazy)...

Routine Annoyance

2009-03-12T14:31:00.001-05:00

I remember once upon a time when I was tired, I used to just be able to walk up the stairs, put on my pjs, crawl into bed and zzz away.

Now, I have a routine. I check my sugar. I fill the syringe. I shoot myself. I take two prescription pills from two bottles, then another one from a pack. I fill my little glass of water on the nightstand and make sure my 4:30am pills are in their case and my dual alarms are set (one for the pills, one for the regular wake-up time).

Then there are the nights when I realize there isn’t enough insulin in the bottle or pen and I have to get another one from the fridge. There’s nights I do everything downstairs, and nights I want to go to bed early, but it’s too early to do the insulin shot, so I haul everything upstairs (and forget to bring it back down). I run out of alcohol swabs in the smaller container and have to dig in the bigger container to get more. Same with syringes. Same with test strips. Some nights I’m a little lower than I want to be to last through the night and I force-feed myself graham crackers or Nutrigrain bars.

It seems like I spend 15-20 minutes a night just getting ready to go to bed, and there are times, like last night, when I just really, really wanted to pull back the covers and forget everything else. I was tired, I didn’t feel great, I wanted a pillow and a dog and no insulin and no pills. But there the routine was, and I did it, because I have to.

As always more to come…

Finally.

2009-03-09T11:06:00.001-05:00

Damn Girl Scout Cookies

2009-03-06T15:27:00.002-06:00

I support the cause, but I wish they'd sell SOAP.

As always, more to come...

The Answer Is, You Can’t

2009-03-05T08:56:00.001-06:00

This is for the person who Googled, “How do I shoot heroine through Accu-check Multiclix?” and got to my blog.

You see, the Multiclix is a lancing device, meaning, it doesn’t have the power to inject anything. It just has the power to poke your skin with a needle (a solid needle) in order to draw blood.

So while it may look tempting in the Target, Wal-Mart or drugstore, and it’s an excellent lancing device if you just want to draw blood, I can’t in good faith recommend it as a heroine injection device. It simply won’t work.

Glad I could be of some help.

As always, more to come (but no heroine—by the way, it’s BAD for you)…

Jamn Pen

2009-03-02T09:00:00.001-06:00

As in “damn jammed” pen, not “my pen be jammin’.”

My insulin prescription is complicated at the moment, and I’ve been using the Lantus pen for about two weeks now. I like it all right, but the problem is the needles I have for it are too short, and I’m too cheap to buy longer ones until the shorter ones are used up.

As such, I’ve been having issues with insulin bubbles under my skin, bruising, and limited poke sites (it’s too awkward and I’m too uncoordinated to use the pen anywhere but my stomach).

On Saturday night, the jamming situation reared its ugly head. I dialed two units and punched the button, just like I’m supposed to to make sure jamming won’t happen. Test passed.

Then I dialed my whole 45 units and stuck the needle in. After about ten units injected, I could feel resistance. I pulled the pen out and hit the button and a stream of insulin went flying across the room. Jam cleared.

There were still units left to inject, so I put the pen in again, only it wouldn’t go in all the way (callused spot?), so I stuck the needle in again, in another spot, and finished up the dialed insulin. Only what about the insulin that squirted across the room? I dialed in two units and hit the button—not nearly the stream that sailed before. I estimated it would have taken at least four units to get the arc, so I dialed up four units and again, stuck myself, pausing for about 15 seconds to determine what the four units would do if I was off. I shot anyway, figuring I’d just keep a close eye on my sugars on Sunday. Four pokes later, all the insulin was delivered and the elastic on my pajamas was like a torture device against my stomach.

I’m heading to the pharmacy this week to straighten out the prescription, so I can get my trusty vials back. My syringes are the longer-needle kind and I desperately need to get off my stomach for a little bit and utilize my saddle bags. In the meantime, on Sunday night, I pulled out my pen and instead of dialing, stuck my syringe in and pulled the insulin out.

I like my pen, don’t get me wrong. It’s absolutely excellent for travelling. But for everyday use? Not so excellent. I must be an old-fashioned girl—give me a glass vial and a syringe any time.

As always, more to come (but not injected directly by the pen until I’m in a foreign country, or at least Wisconsin)…

Hooray?

2009-02-26T11:31:00.000-06:00

I finally, finally got my blood test results from my doctor’s visit. My cholesterol is very good (thanks to the low-dosage of Lovastatin I’m on, which helps fight genetics). My thyroid levels (Graves Disease!) are okay, with one number being a little low—that means when the new endo looks at it, I might or might not get bumped up a dosage level. (Not a big deal. The Levothyroxine (generic Synthroid) dosage is always a balancing act; my dosages last for a year or two, then get switched.)

And then there’s my HbA1c. Sigh.

It’s a good number. A really, really good number. It’s lower than it was last summer. I should be happy. I should be jumping for joy. And a part of me is. It’s just that I’m not really sure it’s an accurate representation of what’s been going on with my body. It’s an average of what my sugars have been doing over the last three months. An AVERAGE. So if I wake up at 60 every morning, and go to bed at 160, the average would be 110. 110 would give me a good HbA1c. Doesn’t mean that waking up at 60 and going to bed at 160 is good.

My lows are too low, my highs are too high. Hence, why I’m going to my endo armed with tons of information. For three separate weeks (every other week until my appointment in April), I’m doing the testing every hour. I’m keeping detailed accounts of what I eat (I find taking a picture with the phone on my camera to be an excellent record-keeper). And I’m marking down every bit of exercise and when I do it. The doctor will be able to see every high and every low, and what may or may not have caused it, and when the numbers just happen because they happen.

I know I’m a “Type A” person. I like things very controlled, very organized. I want everything to be as close to perfect as it can be, and that includes my diabetes. I’m learning to let go a little bit and just let life happen as it does (thanks to weekly therapy sessions, in part), but I’m built the way I am and I can’t completely hang free. I know there are diabetics out there who would be perfectly happy with my numbers. But I’m not that person. I want, I need, I have to make sure I’m doing absolutely everything in my power to keep my numbers in the range I’m most comfortable with.

My doctor was happy with my HbA1c. I’m hoping my endo will pay attention to me when I tell her I need more. I want the HbA1c number I have now, but I want to make sure the daily numbers behind it are deserving of it.

Plus, just every now and then, I’d like to eat more than cheese for dinner.

As always, more to come…

Unvirtuous

2009-02-25T08:55:00.002-06:00

I wanted my next post to be about my blood test results from my Friday the 13th doctor’s visit.

I was hoping by now he would have called to share all the numbers with me, numbers about my cholesterol, my thyroid, my diabetes.

But no call as of this morning. So I’m hoping that by writing, it will trick him into calling. Like when you’re in a restaurant waiting for your food to come, if you get up to go to the bathroom, it will be there waiting for you when you come back.

So I’m writing now, in hopes that by the time anyone reads this, the call will have come.

I have no patience.

As always, more to come…

Hole-y Arms

2009-02-18T17:17:00.000-06:00

My life is being run by little bells.

After writing down all my numbers to bring to the doctor last week, I realized that I’m not always testing when I should. Wanting to improve my testing habits, and wanting to bring some sort of number chart that actually means something to my new endo in early April, I decided to take stricter action.

So I set up “appointments” on my computer calendar at work, and every hour on the half hour, little bells ring and a box pops up on my screen that says “TEST! Now.” I leave my test kit next to my keyboard and I faithfully poke my arm with a needle.

Before and after work, I’m also trying to test on the half hours. The morning isn’t so different from what I usually do—I test when I wake up around 6:30, then again around 7:30 after I work out and before I eat breakfast, to determine how many carbs I need to last until lunch. By 8:30 I’m already at work and the bells are going off. At night, I get home around 6:45 and I normally test right away to see what’s for dinner. I’ve been bad about testing beyond that, so I’ve been making a conscious effort to test at 7:30, 8:30 and about 10pm (before I got to bed). That’s a total of 16 tests per day. (Wait. Did I do that math right? English major admitting mathematical deficiencies.)

Just to make it clear right here and right now, I do not intend to continue testing 16 times a day for the rest of my diabetic life. I’m thinking this week, one week in March, and one week at the beginning of April right before the endo should give me a plethora of information.

I will say I’m surprised by some of the numbers. I wasn’t often testing in the afternoon after lunch, and I found out I tend to run a little high there, but come down fairly quickly—in time for when I do test toward the end of the workday. I wasn’t catching those highs at all.

I’m also surprised by how much my numbers can shift in an hour. I can drop from 130 to 85 within 60 minutes. It almost makes me think I should test every half-hour, or every 15 minutes to get a better reading. But I’m not that crazy, or that rich (16 test strips a day, plus at least one bum one already means $$$).

I’m currently at 45 units of Lantus at night, with no other insulin. The only way I have to control my sugars between doses is by carb counting. I’m low, I eat, I wait until the number drops; rinse and repeat. If I’m too high, I don’t eat, or I exercise until I can. If I’m hovering, I have to decide how many carb units I can eat without shooting me too high and not dipping me too low. (Again, complicated equations for an English major.)

I’ve been grateful to only have to shoot one insulin once a day, but based on my numbers, I think this chapter of my diabetes life might be coming to a close. I’m running too low at times and too high at others. Too much Lantus for some points in the day, not enough for other moments. I need a better balance, and I’m hoping the detailed numbers will help my new endo see this.

Oh, and have you seen the movie Holes? Where boys are digging hole after hole in the dessert to look for a treasure? And you look at the screen and see thousands of craters across the landscape? That’s what my arms look like. Another reason 16-times a day will not be a permanent testing number.

As always, more to come (still waiting for that HbA1C result)…

White Coats

2009-02-13T11:17:00.000-06:00

I had my new-doctor visit this morning. I like him. He was nice, he paid attention, he appreciated my medical resume. He asked questions. He refilled my prescriptions. He said we should see each other every three or four months until we establish a good record with each other, then we can space it out. I liked that idea—a doctor who actually wants to get to know my body and what it’s doing so he can make informed decisions when it really matters.

I didn’t go in with any complaints or specific issues; I mostly went in to establish the relationship, get a good endo referral—and to get a whole lotta bloodwork, since I haven’t had any since May (my bad). It’s funny, but it’s not actually the doctor’s visit that reveals anything; it’s the phone call a week later with the test results (TSH, HbA1c, cholesterol, etc.) that has an impact.

And here’s a fun fact about Lora. I have “white-coat syndrome.” As everyone knows, when you go see a doctor, they always take your blood pressure pretty much right when you walk into the inner sanctum. My blood pressure is always high. However, if they take it again when the appointment is ending, it’s normal. A couple nurses have told me it’s called white-coat syndrome—just the idea of being in the doctor’s office raises my blood pressure. I’ve had experience with this before, so the doctor re-checked my blood pressure at the end, and sure enough, I went from “Whoa,” to normal in the span of 35 minutes. Go figure.

And on the endo front, I made my appointment—which isn’t until April 10. I’d rather it was next week, but I guess I can wait. Maybe this is the universe’s way of saying I need to keep some better records to present. That tidy list of numbers I created really doesn’t say anything, and I doubt my HbA1c is going to give a clear picture either. I think I need to do an exercise/food intake/more frequent blood sugar thing for a few weeks. Maybe I’ll even borrow my mom’s PC and hook my meter up to it, since my meter doesn’t like my MAC.

For now, though, I’m just going to psych myself up for removing the Band-Aid from my very sensitive inner elbow skin where they drew the blood. It always hurts like a bitch.

As always, more to come…

Avoid Void

2009-02-12T12:44:00.001-06:00

So, in preparation for my new-doctor appointment tomorrow, last night I keyed in all my numbers that I had written in my notebook so they made a tidy list on a sheet of paper.

I want to be able to show the doctor that my numbers are high at night, that I have a hard time keeping a cap on them after dinner, and that I’m having to eat less and less (I’m down to one carb unit) in order to keep things even somewhat in check. I’m already pushing the maximum units of Lantus (45-47 each night) I can handle without continuously dive-bombing during the day, so I’m thinking it might be time to work in another insulin at night, before I eat dinner.

Unfortunately, that tidy list doesn’t show a lot of my high-at-night numbers. Not because I don’t have any, but because, as I realized last night, I haven’t been checking my numbers at night.

It’s a case of avoidance, in the worst way. I know the number is going to be high. The high number gives me stress, makes me worry, and there’s not a whole helluva lot I can do at 10pm at night to make it drop (no, I am NOT hitting the treadmill right before bed). So rather than take the test and see the high number, I just don’t test. My tests stop around 7pm, right before I eat dinner. There’s only a handful of numbers that show up around 10pm.

Also, I realized that while I test multiple times a day, I tend to test when I know I’m low, just as a confirmation. I don’t really feel highs, so I don’t think to test at other times of the day. I think I need to start testing two hours after I eat, just to see what’s going on. Do you think testing every 15 minutes for two days is overkill? Just to get a better handle on where my numbers are really at?

So, I’m not sure how much help my tidy list of numbers is going to be when explaining things to the doctor. I can point out the few high numbers from when I did test, and I can point out that I’m not testing at night, but I’m wondering how far that will take me.

It’s an internal medicine doctor I’m seeing tomorrow, but I’m planning on making an appointment with an endo next. Maybe I will try that 15 minutes thing, or at least stop avoiding seeing that high number and actually testing after dinner.

As always, more to come…

My Medical Resume

2009-02-10T09:17:00.001-06:00

I have an appointment with a new doctor on Friday morning. I’ve had four doctors since my dx, and I’ve had to give a detailed history to each one.

I’ve finally gotten smart.

Knowing I’m going to have to give my story all over again, I decided to write everything down. When the doctor asks, I’m just going to give him the sheet of paper. I’ve written down my childhood conditions that might be pertinent today, my teen/early 20 issues and everything about my current conditions, the two biggies being diabetes and Grave’s disease.

I wrote down who my other doctors currently are (gyno, dentist, eye doctor, therapist), what prescriptions I’m on (seven) and what dosages.

I wrote down what my HbA1Cs have been over the past years and what my numbers have been in general.

I’ve written down any procedures I’ve had and any hospitalizations.

I might even call my mom and get some background history on what the grandparents all had (they’ve all passed from various issues which I generally know about, but not the specifics), and on what mom and pop are currently dealing with (I inherited the Grave’s from dad, but what else is looming on the horizon?). I should have all this info anyway, and it’s about time I act like I’m a responsible 40-year-old and write it all down.

I do have some of my medical records, and I’m in the process of tracking down the rest of them, but I’m thinking that even if I hand the new doctor a four-inch thick stack of papers at our first meeting, he’s not going to sit down and read everything while I wait (it will take him way longer than that to decipher the various handwritings). He might, however, read a couple pieces of paper and be fairly caught up to speed.

So now, in addition to having a professional resume, I now have a medical resume. How important am I?

As always, more to come…

1, 2, 3, 4…

2009-02-05T17:01:00.000-06:00

I’m playing a different sort of numbers game today…

17 the number of days it took Saturn of Glenview to fix my car (Saturn sucks!)

70 the route number of the city bus I took to get to work for 17 days

7 the approximate age of the girl on the bus who had a runny nose and kept wiping at it with her hand, then rubbing her hand EVERY WHERE

99.8 my fever this morning from the cold/flu I’ve managed to fight off all winter, until, well, see the three above

3 the number of “really great” doctors my gyno recommended for me to try (Saturn sucks, my gyno is fabulous)

5 is how many pounds I’ve lost so far this year—yay me!

6 requests are waiting for me on Facebook. I’m just not sure I want to get into the whole fairyland, blue cove thing…

2,312 the number of vacation days I’m ready to take right now. Somebody send me a plane ticket and a million dollars and I’m gone, baby, gone

2 is the number of requests I’ve made to St. Mary’s of Nazareth Hospital for my medical records from my DKA stay with them. I’m hoping this second time does the trick

1 day is all I have to left to endure before it’s Saturday and I can sleep in, watch Tivo, share my overstuffed chair with my dogs and eat popcorn (which, surprisingly, doesn’t have that big of an effect on my sugar—go figure)

As always, more to come…but NO MORE BUS!!!

Fear Itself

2009-01-30T16:05:00.002-06:00

I have an Accu-Chek Multiclix lancing device and I really like it.

Except I have this fear that when I'm inserting a new cartridge into the device, that all six needles are going to spontaneously spring forward and stab my thumb, leaving me with much hurt, much blood and a circle-shaped scar.

I have other, deeper, worse, nightmare-type fears, but this one seems like a nice little containable fear to have about diabetes. You know, until the spontaneous springing thing actually happens.

As always, more to come...

Pizza Support

2009-01-26T17:52:00.003-06:00

I've been having a rough day. First and foremost, it's Monday.

Beyond that, my car sputtered to a stop a week ago last Friday. After much back and forth with the dealer, the bottom line is I need a new engine that will cost me a small fortune. It was supposed to be ready Saturday, then again today. Now they're saying tomorrow. I'm on bus detail for work and have been trapped *TRAPPED!* inside my house for the last two weekends.

My medical ID bracelet broke (yet another one) and I have to take it in to get it repaired.

I have to give my dog her shot tonight. I had to crunch numbers at work today and I hate doing that. I was sluggy all weekend and all I can think today is about how I should've cleaned the bathroom, done laundry, etc.

Basically, I'm being beaten up by everyone, including myself. And when that happens, I turn to comfort food. Pizza. Mushroom pizza. And then a cookie. A Samba cookie. I blew my diet, but it felt good (except for the heartburn I'm having right now). I've been trying to train myself to turn to exercise as comfort, but it's not as tasty.

So now, three hours after my meal, I'm a little afraid to test my blood. I know it's going to be higher than it should be, but I'm thinking it may be lower as well. I've been exercising pretty regular lately and have been having some pretty good numbers.

I used the pizza as support earlier, now I'm using my blog as support while I test my sugar. Here goes...

Alcohol swab.
Prep lancet.
Wave at arm to dry alcohol.
Stick strip in meter.
Poke arm and push down for blood.
Put stick into blood and wait for beep.
Beep.
Wait for double beep with number.
Double beep.
Cover number with fingers before looking, then reveal one number at a time.
There's a 1.
There's a 0.
There's a 6.
Unfortunately, not in that order. 160.

It is done.

As always, more to come...

Bits of Tissue

2009-01-20T16:55:00.001-06:00

My arm looks like I cut myself shaving.

I was trying to test my blood via my forearm and I got a bum test strip. So I threw the strip out and pricked again with my lancet, looking for a rounder, richer bead of blood. I got one.

And now I have a bleeder.

And I’m wearing a white, long-sleeve shirt.

I couldn’t get it to stop and my arm is cold (it is winter in Chicago, after all). So I stuck a piece of Kleenex on it. Just like the men in the movies do when they cut themselves shaving.

Only they never show you what happens next. Guess I’ll just wait a few minutes and peel it off and see what happens.

I hope the bleeding stops. I’d really like to push down my sleeves.

As always, more to come…

Another Number Post

2009-01-19T10:31:00.003-06:00

Okay. So despite putting forth my best technical effort, I can't get my meter hooked up to my MAC to upload my numbers. The cable I bought is one part of a complicated patch I'm not prepared to deal with and my disappointment and aggravation caused a ripple I'm sure was felt 'round the universe.

I went old-school and last night I hand-wrote all the numbers stored in my meter, starting with yesterday afternoon and going back until October 30, where the memory ended. I wrote them down in a composition notebook with a pencil. Triple-checked each entry by number, date and time and made sure everything was written down correctly. Then I looked them over.

I don't remember waking up at 5:09 am on November 9 to a 58, but I must've drank some juice or something because I tested again at 5:38 and was starting to climb at 64. I was low all day: 62 at 8:55am, 76 at 1:34 pm.

I can't tell you much about 11/21, 11/27, 12/2, 12/14 or 12/26--all days I chose to only test once. I can, however, give you details on about two dozen other days where I tested more than five times.

Unfortunately my meter doesn't show what I ate or how much I exercised on any day and my personal memory certainly doesn't go beyond what I did yesterday, and even that's a bit sketchy. So the numbers are just numbers (except for the first one of the day, which I always do right when I wake up; no exercise or food involved). But they do paint an interesting picture.

I have an appointment with my very favorite, very nice gyno in the first week of February. He's in my new insurance network. I'm going to him armed with a list of doctors and endos also in the network and getting his honest and trustworthy opinion on who he recommends. I figured this is a better alternative than just picking a name out of a book that sounds interesting. I thought it would be nice when I finally do go see the new doctor (hopefully in February), if I could bring a numbers list to him/her so he/she could see where I'm at.

So until meter technology hits the MAC world, I'm going to keep recording in my composition book my numbers and maybe I'll even take some notes on exercise and food so I have a better log to present.

As always, more to come (more numbers, numbers, numbers)...

Soy To Me (And To The World)

2009-01-14T15:16:00.000-06:00

Sometimes my job is just that: my job. I have good days and I have bad days. I do some fun stuff and I do some boring stuff. This week, my job was more than just a job; it was inspiring.

I did an interview with Ingrid Newkirk, one of the founders of and the current president of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). While we talked some about her book, One Can Make A Difference (awe-inspiring; read it if you haven’t), we also talked about becoming vegetarian or vegan.

Even though my brother has been a vegetarian for over 10 years (the boy orders vegan shoes from the UK), and has been spouting its virtues forever, there’s something about hearing Ingrid talk about it that makes it seem do-able, at least on some level. She’s funny, articulate, compassionate and not the militant YOU MUST person I half expected.

While I don’t think I’m ready to completely give up meat, and I know for sure I’m not ready to give up cheese, I am now convinced there are a few small changes I can make. My first venture: soy milk.

I have to admit that changing my milk isn’t going to be a big sacrifice. I’m not a big milk drinker; you won’t see me pouring a glass as a refreshing beverage. Milk is usually only involved in doughnut or cookie scenarios. And cereal—although I don’t drink the milk at the bottom of the bowl (yeccch).

What the big question was in this decision is soy milk and diabetes. I’ve done some research on the World Wide Web and from what I can see, as long as I choose the unsweetened variety, the carb count can actually be less than regular milk. And I haven’t seen any documentation on it being bad for diabetics in any health sense. I’m currently between doctors and don’t expect to see one between now and when my current gallon of regular milk runs out or expires, so my consultation with him/her will have to wait.

When I go grocery shopping this weekend (that is, if the weather in Chicago rises above the -2 its supposed to be tomorrow and I’m brave enough to venture into the ice that is my atmosphere), I’ll pick up a carton, and I’ll be extra sure to check my sugar levels before and after drinking it for the first few times to make sure everything is copacetic (I won’t even eat the cookies to make sure everything is on the up and up). And if all goes well, I’ll make my change permanent.

Soy, I guess that’s it. (Ooo. Another fabulous reason for going soy—so many great puns and wordplay possibilities!) I’ll keep you posted on how things go, because I know everyone who reads this blog is teetering right here next to me on the brink of excitement over my foray into the world of soy.

As always, more to come (now with more soy!)…

Free Style Recycling

2009-01-12T13:38:00.001-06:00

I use a Freestyle meter and test strips. The test strips come in these really sturdy little containers with a flip top and they close really securely.

As such, and being the “must use this item again” person that I am, I save every one of them and stick them in a drawer that is now overflowing. Every now and then, I actually find a use for one of them, or someone else in my family does.

Just in case you have a drawer-full too, here are a few of the ways myself and others I know have used them…

* Drill bits. I come from a family who does construction and my brother had some really expensive, smallish drill bits. And wouldn’t you know it? They fit in a Freestyle test strip container.

* After-shave stick. My husband bought this stick thingy that you rub on your cuts after you shave to make them feel better. He usually just kept it on a little dish in the bathroom, but when we went travelling, he wanted to bring it. It’s now permanently stored in a Freestyle test strip container.

* For my wedding, I wanted to carry some sugar-free Tums in my bag for my way-too-often heartburn. I pasted some pretty Japanese art paper around the outside of the container and slid in my Tums. Works perfectly and looked pretty inside my wedding bag. Now I just use a non-decorated one to throw a few Tums in and put them in random bags I carry. (Also great for Tylenol and other small pills.)

* Balsamic vinegar. This morning I made a salad to bring to work. I usually put my vinegar in a tiny Glad container you buy at the grocery store. However, my dog Molly thinks these containers are like dog bones and chews through them whenever she gets the chance. I didn’t have any tiny containers left, so I grabbed a Freestyle container, washed it out really, really well and put my vinegar in there. Didn’t leak even a drop. Quite possibly my new most favorite usage, just for the sheer inspired genius of it.

I’m still thinking that on top of the practical uses I’ve found, there has to be an art project in there as well—some sculptured piece I can create and hang on the wall. I’m still mulling that one over.

I’ll keep you posted on any other good uses I come across, and feel free to share if you’ve come up with something good.

As always, more to come (perhaps in a Freestyle test strip container)…

Intervention

2009-01-08T09:03:00.001-06:00

I watch a lot of television, I admit it. My husband doesn’t watch nearly as much as I do, but he has a few favorites, one of them being “Intervention” on A&E. Sometimes I watch it with him—it’s television, after all, how bad can it be?

Intervention is exactly what the title says it is—an intervention. Each one-hour episode features a person who thinks they’re being filmed for a documentary, but are really being set up for an intervention by their family, led by a professional intervention leader. About 45 minutes of the show details the person’s life—how they grew up, what they’re doing now. The last 15 minutes is the actual intervention. The goal is to get the person into a rehab or treatment facility of some kind. It’s not a “reality” show in terms of sensationalism, but rather a mini-documentary on a person’s life.

I’ve seen episodes where the person has issues with the “usual” stuff you’d expect, like alcohol, heroin, crack and the like, but they also cover other topics such as eating disorders, sexual addictions and I even saw one episode about a video-game addiction.

So, this week’s intervention? Diabetes. Here’s the description from A&E:

“Episode 76 – John C
John has type one diabetes but refuses to be diligent about checking his blood sugar, or taking his insulin. A social misfit and an outcast for many years, John wants to be considered a regular guy, and pretends to be one by eating whatever he wants without regard for his illness. He has been in a near-coma and hospitalized multiple times. His parents want to stop enabling his self-destructive behavior, but won't kick him out of the house because they fear he'll die without their supervision.”

I thought it was an interesting twist on an intervention.

If you’re interested in watching it, they have the episode online. Go to www.aetv.com/intervention and hit the “episode guide” section. Look for Episode 76 – John C.

I’m not a reviewer, so I’ll just let you watch and make up your own mind about what you think about the episode. Let me know.

As always, more to come…

I Resolve...

2009-01-05T16:06:00.002-06:00

Yes, I’m the type of person who makes resolutions at the beginning of each year. Are you surprised?

I choose really nice stationery, get one of my fountain pens in working order and sit down to write everything out. When I’m done, I read through it and pick a key word that seems to summarize what I’ve written. “Improvement,” “Success,” “Relax,” and “Control” are a few words I’ve used in the past. I put my resolutions in an envelope, seal the envelope, write the year on it and put my word on it. I tuck it away and never look at it again during the year.

I know it may seem weird, but me just sitting down, thinking about what I want to accomplish during the year, what I want to experience, what habits or hobbies I want to cultivate and what emotions I’d like to indulge in, is enough. I don’t make a checklist of my resolutions, I just sort of make a plan in my head and in my heart and keep it there through the year.

I also make sure that in addition to the big, long-term resolutions, I put a few “dreamer” ones on there—things I hope to do one day—and a few small ones that I know I’ll definitely accomplish—take the Christmas tree down by January 10. Some of my dreamer ones I’ve actually filled; granted, not in the year I wrote them, but still, climbing in a pyramid in Egypt was worth the resolution I wrote years ago.

This year, I’ve decided to make separate resolutions for my diabetes. And instead of my pretty stationery, I’m using my pretty blog page. So here goes…

1. Check my blood sugar more. There are days when I go by feel, as opposed to pulling out my meter and doing an actual test. While I’m usually pretty good at knowing where I’m at by how my head and my body feel, there are times when I surprise myself when I actually do do a test. As they say on D-Life, “Test, don’t guess.” And it really would help me chart what’s going on if I had actual numbers to chart. Which leads me to…

2. Hook up the cable on my meter to my computer. I’m a MAC girl, and, unfortunately, the electronic diabetic community seems to be mostly PC based. I’ve had a hard time finding the right cables and software to hook my meter up to my computer, but I ran across something a few months ago that I think might work. I ordered the cable in great excitement, waited patiently for it to arrive in the mail. Ripped it out of the package when it came. Then promptly set it on a shelf and forgot about it. I will, I will, I will hook that cable up and make it work.

3. Exercise better. This should just be branded permanently on my forehead, in ambulance mirror type so I see it every morning when I brush my teeth. It’s probably been on every resolution list I’ve made since 1987 and it’s something I always struggle with. Each year I start out fantastically, then fade out, then renew, then stop, then start, then sit on the couch, then run three miles a day for six weeks straight. It’s not that I don’t exercise, it’s that I’m not as consistent with it as I need to be. So I’m going to try to find a way to exercise better—find a program or system or agenda or schedule I can actually stick with.

4. Make more doctors’ appointments. I’m horrible with checking in with my doctors—in 2008 I only went four times for a check-up (or was it three?). I only saw my endo once. It could be because I wasn’t really impressed with any of my doctors, but I now have new insurance and my choices are better. So after I find someone I like, I’m going to actually go see them every couple of months. And I might even try to get a diabetes educator. Wouldn’t that be something?

5. Find a balance. Sometimes I’m too hard on me—mentally chastising and scolding myself for bad numbers, not checking my sugars or not making doctors’ appointments. And sometimes I let myself get away with too much. I’m looking for a balance this year where I’m taking care of myself the way I should be, but in a way that doesn’t infuse guilt, disappointment or anger into my system.

6. Be more creative with food. I’m an expert baker. I’m not a bad cook. I have a huge assortment of cookbooks. And, I really love grocery shopping (actually, to the point where people think it’s strange). There’s no reason I should be eating the same 10 things over and over again. I can do low-carb creatively—and without excessive amounts of cheese. I declare this the year of the mushroom!

So there it is, in black and white and read all over. My keyword for this list: Positivity (even though spell-check tells me this isn’t an actual word). Because I’m going to have a positive view about my diabetes this year.

May your 2009 be everything you want it to be—and a little bit more.

As always, more to come…

Tree For All

2008-12-21T20:40:00.021-06:00

I don’t put Christmas lights outside my house. I don’t hang a wreath on the door. I don’t have bed linens with holly or couch throw pillows with Old St. Nick needlepointed on them.

What I do have is a tree. A real, giant tree. And I’m a little fanatical about it (filled with excessive and single-minded zeal, according to the dictionary—and my husband).

This year’s piney confection is an eight-footer (not including the extra couple inches the star on top adds). I’ve gone larger in the past, but I wanted it to fit in the living room this year, and eight feet is my ceiling limit. I’m also on a holiday budget this year, and the taller the tree, the more expensive it is. This little gem only cost me $20 at my local grocery store, a fact I’m very proud of. (Okay, yes, it looks like someone took a bite out of it at the top, but I filled the hole with lots of shiny ornaments, so from across the living room, you can hardly tell there’s no pine branches or needles in that general region.)

Since I’ve being seeing everyone else’s trees, and admiring them very much, I thought I would return the favor and show mine, along with a few of my favorite ornaments. Ready for the tour?

This is the tree without the flash…

This is the tree with the flash…

I have kind of a thing for the Wizard of Oz,and this ornament is a replica of the
balloon that takes Dorothy back to Kansas.

My mom made all sorts of sequin ornaments in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s. She was a stay-at-home mom at that point, and she said making the ornaments helped her from going crazy. She’s not big into Christmas trees, so I’ve early inherited a lot of them. I like them not only because she made them, but because they sparkle a lot under the lights.

In the Christmas meme making the rounds, I answered that one of themes on my tree is stars and moons. I don’t have a “perfect” tree with all the same ornament and color-coordination, but when I see an ornament in the shape of a moon or star, I tend to pick it up.

This is one of my favorites. I have one sister and one brother and my sister and I found these ornaments when we were together and laughed hysterically like only sisters can. We each have a brother and a sister one and I still laugh each time I hang it up.

I also have my share of kid-made ornaments, including a gingerbread boy my brother made when he was in kindergarten—that’s a ’75 in the corner for the date. He doesn’t currently have a tree, so I’m hanging on to it for him and hanging it until he does. I also have a few from my niece through the years; she’s 15 now, 16 in February, so I think I’m probably done with the kid stuff for now.

This is a Hallmark ornament or something of the sort. You pull on his tassel and he makes a ribbit sound as he gets a big grin on his face.

I should probably also mention the lights. That dang Martha Stewart. I watched a show years and years ago where she demonstrated how she put lights on her tree; she wraps each individual branch with the strings so every inch is covered. I’ve been doing it that way ever since. I think my light string count is hovering near 20 this year and it took me four hours to do it. Just the lights. No ornaments included in that time period. (And you’d think I would burn carbs doing it that way, as it involves ladders and twisting and turning and kneeling and bending, but nope. Sugar stayed the same.)

I like looking at my tree. It’s pretty. Lora has pretty tree. Lora likes tree. Lora hopes you like tree, too.

As always, more to come…

Ho Ho How

2008-12-19T09:06:00.001-06:00

We’re having our holiday party at work today. It’s a big, giant brunch at a very fancy hotel.

I’ve been working for the same company for 15 years, and the holiday party is always the same, so at least I know what’s on the menu.

It starts at noon and there are a ton of things to eat and the champagne flows freely.

I checked my sugar this morning when I woke up, chugged a small V-8 and ate a 1/3 or a NutriGrain bar for breakfast (my dog is on antibiotics and I had to hide her pill in 1/3, then give my other dog 1/3 so he wouldn’t be jealous; why is it medications are always so complicated, even for dogs?). That’s about 1 carb unit total.

I’m taking a slight chance that I might tumble lower than I’d like before we get to the brunch, but I know that if I’d ate a full 3 carb units for breakfast, I’d be too high to eat much of anything but cold salmon and roast beef. And they have really good shortbread cookies…

So here’s to guessing and hoping that 15 years knowledge of the menu, six of them as a diabetic, will play in my favor. Sometimes educated guessing is all you can really do.

As always, more to come…

Trashy Girl

2008-12-13T10:24:00.003-06:00

I keep my diabetic supplies in the office, right off the living room. Before I go to bed, I step in the office to take my shot and grab supplies to fill my blood kit. I have a garbage can right below my diabetes drawers for easy disposal of all the packaging that seems to come with diabetic supplies.

I threw away a syringe last night and laughed when I looked at my garbage can. Here's a picture.

One of these things is not like the other. One of these things just doesn't belong. Can you tell me which thing is not the like the other?

As always, more to come...

The Big Switch

2008-12-10T08:13:00.002-06:00

My husband recently got a new job. We've been on Cobra insurance for the last three months, keeping on his old work plan until the new insurance at the new job kicks in. (No insurance at my job; since the diagnosis I'm uninsurable on my own; thank god for marriage.)

As of January 1, I'll have to pick a whole new slew of doctors, as from what I've seen, none of my current doctors are on the new plan.

While I do consider this a slight pain in the butt and something I wish I had a personal assistant for—to do the research, figure out the hospitals, etc.—I can't say I'm entirely disappointed to see my doctors go.

My primary care physician is a nice lady, but she doesn't go above and beyond the normal check-up. She's good for prescriptions and for getting an HbA1c, but beyond that, I don't really think she's all that (and certainly not a bag of chips).

My endo is a nice, quiet guy. He looks at my numbers and tells me to keep doing what I'm doing. The encouragement is nice, but sometimes I'm not really sure he's hearing what I tell him. The one, big, giant reason I do like him is because I have his e-mail address and he actually answers me when I e-mail him. He won't diagnose me over sbcglobal.net, but he will tell me what the generic is for a prescription I'm taking, and he'll let me know if the new Lantus pen is in the office and who I can call to set up an appointment to get one.

I almost feel like they're both a little on the robot side—they do what they're told when I press the right buttons. I think I'm ready for a fresh team who might have some good advice and who can help me see a really old age in fairly decent shape. I'd also like a diabetes educator. Sometimes I think I'm doing okay, but other times I have a million questions. It would be nice to have someone I can ask without waiting three weeks for an appointment.

So. I have a task ahead of me. To find new doctors in my new network. Let the research begin.

As always, more to come...